[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 22

[DUJUN]

“I am not her biological father.” He said. I just shut my mouth off. “I am her mother’s best friend.” He continued while looking to the outside scenery. Her confession didn’t bother Young Gyu ahjussi to keep driving the car silently. “But, I love her.” He sighed. I breathed deeply, tried to understand all the things in one go. “Miinah’s grandfather separated us. Then Miinah’s mother married to the man her dad chose.” He sighed after saying the last word. I just nodded.

“Do you know, Dujun-sshi.” He looked at me. I confusedly stared at him. “Miinah’s mother had the same disease like Miinah, and so did her father.” He said with moist eyes, “Her dad passed away first, then soon her mother followed him after getting in car accident with me.” I could see tears in the corner of his eyes. “We involved in that damn accident and made her lose so much blood.” He wiped his eyes slightly. “Her father was the one who had the disease, and her mother was recipient.” He inhaled, “That was what doctor said to me… around ten years ago, the first time I knew Miinah has that damn disease.” He locked my eyes with his. “If her mother married with me, no one will suffer from that disease. Her father was the main problem. Now, Miinah inherits his disease.”

“You said… Miinah’s mother also had the disease.”

“Yes. But, a mother can’t give it to her daughter. The father does.” He rubbed his neck, “That was what doctor said. And, only if both of the parents have the disease, the child of them can inherit it. Bloody hell, both of them had it.” Rather yelled, he looked frustrated by himself.

I just stayed still, tried to arrange the missing puzzle.

“After her father died, I married to her mother. Her grandfather, who was old enough to think such thing, finally gave me permission to marry Hyeri, Miinah’s mother. I love Miinah as much as I love Hyeri.” He tried to arrange his breath, “But the happiness just last for some months before God made us involved in that accident.” He looked at me again, tried to read my mind, “Miinah was with us, she was just twelve back then and bled so bad. That was the day I knew she had hemophilia, the same day of her mother’s funeral.” He tried to block his tears but it failed. I saw a tear escaped from his eyes, “I feel so sorry for hurting my most important women in my life.” He wiped it away. “I just do not want you to feel what I feel.” He squished my hand, “And I do not want to make Miinah suffering from trying to chase an impossible dream.” He closed his eyes for second, “For developing love. It was a sickening stuff for her; I do not want her in her last days she tries to dream of beautiful love that she won’t ever reach it even before she turns twenty five.”

I eyed him. I just wanted to say “I won’t give her a beautiful love; I just want to give her what I have.” But I held it.

“I do not want to see her, like Hyeri who was suffering because of a man she loves. I do not want you to be me, sending the one you love without enough giving in.” He tried to dig my eyes, but I just stared at him blankly without knowing what I should do.

“Do you love her?” he asked.

I just slightly nodded.

“Marry her.” He said, clearly, entered my ears.

I looked at his black eyes.

“The last thing you could do before it’s too late.” He said, “I never put money over Miinah. I am against your relationship because I do not want you to hurt her in the end. Now, it’s the time for you to show me that I can approve you.” He challenged me. I knew it.

I didn’t know what the best reaction I should show right now.

I just didn’t know the right thing right now.

I just...

“Erghh…” I opened my eyes, forgetting about the conversation happened between me and Miinah’s dad in the car this noon when I heard a soft voice echoed the room. I looked at the source. “Ehmm…” I looked at her. She didn’t open her eyes, but her lips continued moaning. The doctor and nurses had left an hour ago after taking care of her bleeding back skin. The doctor said that it would make her feel some pains in her slumber. I stood from the couch, and walked toward her. I squished her hand, held it, as I stood right beside her, while she held my hand back, and I intertwined my fingers with hers. I couldn’t handle my tears to fall seeing her so pale and weak. I couldn’t see the bright Miinah.

I felt so bad that I didn’t even know how much she suffered all this time.

Do I really love her?

Do I know what love is?

Do I have right to love her?

I don’t know love.

---

[MIINAH]

I could hear a singing bird. I could hear the breezing wind. I could hear the sound of morning. I could feel the sun shone so brightly. I could feel my body gave its reaction to the nice weather. My eyes found a way to open the lid. My hand wanted to open, and arched the fingers. But, there were fingers intertwined with them. Slightly I opened my eyes. I could feel hair on my left arm, the head was right beside me, and his left hand lingered with mine. He was a man. He slept over on his right arm in a sitting position on a chair. I knew this scent. This was so familiar that my nose started to smell it happily. My favorite perfume ever, this was Dujun’s.

“D---d---d---uuu---juuu---nnn?” I mumbled in the middle of trying to sync my breath. I breathed toward the oxygen tube. I ruffled his hair with my free fingers, the right hand. He didn’t move at all. I arched my back, rather hurt. I kept stroking his hair, felt it to my skin. I wanted him to wake up and help me to call the nurse. “H---hhh---oonn---nee---y---,” I tried hard to reach his shoulder, but my attempt failed. I tried to reach his cheek, I touched it, “W---waaa---kkk---eee---uuppp---,” I breathe, “w---will---yaaa---ddd---uuu---,” He hummed.

I tried to look at below, at his spot. Slightly he moved his body. I was loosening my fingers from around his cheek and hair, when he started to come to his sense, “Miinah…” He gripped my right wrist with his free hand while sitting up on his chair. He stared at me with a blank gaze. “Are… are you… awake already?” He kissed my palm briefly. He still intertwined his left fingers with my left one. “Are… are you… okay, Miinah-ahh?” he started to ruffle my hair. “I… I miss you…” he uttered.

“Du---,”

“Yes, Miinah?” He cut my words, “What do you need?” he asked.

“Nn---uuu---rr---ss---eee.” I said, tried to make my pronunciation right.

“Nurse? You want to meet the nurse? Wait. I’ll call her.” Dujun press the button above my bed. He looked at me; smile brightly, although I could see a sorrow in his eyes. I am sorry, Dujun-ahh. “She will come soon, Miinah.”

I nodded, just right when I realized I did something bad below there. Oh no, I couldn’t hold it. I… I… what should I do?

“Why, Miinah? What happen?” He noticed something happen to me, “Do you need help right now? Say it to me! What do you want?” He said it calmly, yet in forceful way.

“I…, don’t… come… near… me.” I said breathless.

“What happen, Miinah?” He asked.

“I… I… can’t…” right when the nurse burst in to the room.

“What happen?” The nurse and Dujun asked in sync.

“Du--- go out.” I said.

“What happen, miss?” the nurse put her ear right in front of my mouth. I whispered to her. She slightly smiled and nodded.

“Dujun-sshi, will you go out from the room for awhile?” the nurse ordered him, but Dujun was being stubborn.

“What actually happen with her?” He asked.

“I am sorry, but can you cooperate with me?” the nurse politely said it to him, “let’s go out first.” She continued.

“I want to stay by her side, I do not want to go out.” He forced to stay still.

“It just takes for awhile, Dujun-sshi.” She said, still in polite way.

“I want to stay here.” He insisted.

I closed my eyes, and cover them with my right hand, held my tears of embarrassment. “Duujuun…,” I held my breath. I could feel both the nurse and Dujun stopped their conversation, “I have peed.” I said, short.

I opened my eyes, stared at him, and let a tear running on my cheek, “Jebal.” I said, so slowly.

I don’t know that having peed in front of the one you love is something really bad. I don’t know that love can accept this kind of embarrassing moment. I don’t know that love can stand something not beautiful like this. I don’t know that he is so stubborn.

“Nurse, help her. I will sit beside her. I won’t sneak a peek.” He said, back to sit beside me, wiped my tears, “Do not embarrass with me. I am not another person. I am your Dujun.” He pecked my cheek and stared at my face, I just blankly looked at his smiling face. “The nurse can cover it with blanket while change your short. Don’t you, miss?” He turned his head to face the nurse who was blushing now. She nodded. Slightly I smiled. He arched one of his eyebrow, and back to intertwine his fingers with mine.

While the nurse busy changing my shorts with the blanket over my waist down, Dujun whispered to me “I love you” made me tightened my intertwine fingers.

“Since you can’t move around, miss, now what should we do with the bed cover?” The nurse asked more to herself, but happen to let Dujun and I hear.

“I can sit, nurse.” I said, trying to sit back, but it failed.

“You can’t.” Dujun almost yelped seeing my attempt. “I will carry you for awhile and the nurse will pull the bed cover, how is it? Isn’t it good?” he smiled to the nurse.

“I think that is okay.” She said.

Dujun did all the things. I don’t know whether he loves me so much or just slightly feels pity of me. I still don’t know… the truth.

 

-to be continued-