A morning call
from you, I saw it. But I wouldn’t answer your call. I was so sorry. I couldn’t
let you hear my terrible voice after a long night crying. And here, the bloody
finger wouldn’t stop bleeding. My hair was really in a very bad condition and
my face swollen. My television kept talking by itself. And I slept on sofa
without noticing it.
A very bad one.
Very bad condition.
My cell phone
rang again. If it were him, I wouldn’t answer it. I saw the name that appeared
in the cell phone screen, it was dad. What should I do? He must be hearing the
news about me. Hell.
“Ne, yeoboseoyo…, appa?” I answered it
finally.
“Hya, Miinah-ah!
Neo mwohae?” my dad screamed right
after I closed my mouth.
“Appa…” I couldn’t say a word.
“You don’t
remember what appa said back then?”
He sighed. “Mietcheo, how could you
date an idol? And now, appa need to
do well in the new brand release of our company. What are you doing actually?”
I couldn’t stop him. After all, this was my fault to begin with.
“Mianhaeyo, appa. I don’t know something
like this will come out.” I said. My eyes started to shed tears.
“Break up now.”
I held my breath. My tears officially fell and my heart ached.
“Appa…”
“I don’t care.
Break up now, or I would ask people to bring you home!”
“Tuut tuut.” He
hung up the phone.
I sat in the
floor. I started crying, again. I was so tired doing it, but the only thing I
could do now was crying.
Crying.
---
[The first day
met that person…]
That day, after
going back from hospital, I saw that person in front of an entertainment
company. I just walked by when a boy in his bicycle bumped into me. I got
shocked. The sound was loud. People started coming over. The boy kept saying ‘mian mian’ that I couldn’t even hear
properly. I was busy with my knee which bleeding, a river. Oh God, probably I
would die here, this blood wouldn’t stop and it was not like just getting cut
after using knife. It was really bleeding.
When I tried to
stop the blood, I heard a whisper in my right ear “Are you okay?” which was
actually that person’s voice. He was the one whom I saw back then. I looked at
his face, and gave a stare ‘please help me’. I didn’t know that he did very
well. That person brought me into his company office. He gave me everything to
stop the blood, but it wouldn’t stop.
“It won’t stop.”
I said to him while he was busy opening his handkerchief and filling it with
ice.
“You have some
bruised too,” He said and put the handkerchief in my cheek, “on your cheek.”
“Oh. Thank you.
But, is it okay if I am here? It seems like an entertainment agency. I am not a
trainee.” I said while putting the iodine in my bleeding knee. “Ackk…!” it hurt
and unconsciously I screamed when his hand reached the iodine. I looked at his
face.
His face.
So a man. What
was it…? A manly man.
I went blank.
Oh, God, now I must be blushing.
“Let me help
you.” He said broke my ‘pink’ moment. “Why is your blood so naughty? It really
won’t stop. It has been thirty minutes. You will lose so much blood.” He saw my
face, very worried.
I laughed. “It’s
no problem.” I said.
“Uh?” it either
he couldn’t hear me or didn’t understand what I meant.
“Aniya. It’s going to stop though. But
just don’t know the exact time.” I laughed when the office door opened, and
here there two men in black suits came to me.
“Agasshi, why did you run away again?”
asked the first man whose face look older than the other one. “Agasshi, what happened? Your knee… it’s
bleeding. Seung Chul-ah, bring the car ready. We should bring agasshi to the
hospital.” The man whose name was Seung Chul who was the younger one ran to the
outside without thinking twice.
“Again?
Hospital?” I couldn’t believe it. An hour ago I had been there. And now, again?
Just kill me. “I’m okay.” I said.
“You are not.”
There’s a voice that I forgot for awhile I was with him all this time. “Bring
her to hospital. Whoever you are,” he stood and said in manly way, “Bring her
because her blood won’t stop. Oh well, look at you like this, you must be this
girl’s bodyguard.”
The man smiled.
Oh well, he is Young Gyu ahjussi,
right, my bodyguard. Sigh. Ahjussi
nodded. “Thank you, ….”
“Dujun. My name
is Dujun.” Said that person.
Dujun.
His name is Dujun.
Silently I write
his name in my heart. Oh, no, don’t blush now.
“Oh, yes, Dujun-gun. Gomapta.”
Said Ahjussi. “Agasshi can’t stop the blood because…,” before ahjussi ended his sentences I blocked his mouth with my hand, and
smiled to Dujun, “It’s okay, it’s going to stop bleeding after get treatment
from Hospital. Right, ahjussi?”
Ahjussi nodded. Well, ahjussi knew what I meant. I wouldn’t
reveal it to Dujun.
A big secret.
“Ahjussi, the car is ready.” Seung Chul
stood in front of the door. Ahjussi caught
my hand, “Let’s go agasshi before it
getting worse.”
“Wait.
Dujun-sshi I’ll bring back the handkerchief. I’ll send it to you soon. Kamsahaeyo.” I bowed while Dujun smiled,
and bowed after me.
“Cheonmaneyo.”
He said.
“OK, then, annyeongihaesaeyo.” I said. Ahjussi dragged me into the car without
paying attention with my heart which already left there.
My heart left in
Dujun’s warm hand.
---
“You beautiful
my girl….”
My phone rang
made me stop reminding in the old memory. “Yeobeoseyo…”
I answered directly without seeing who’s on the phone.
“Miinah-ahh.”
Suffocated.
My breath
suffocated. I couldn’t say a word. His voice was on the phone. I kept silent.
“Miinah-ahh.”
I stayed silent.
“Miinah-ahh,
open the door. I’m here.”
My tears fell
down. Ottohkae?
“Miinah-ahh.
Just open the door.” He said, “No one sees me. It will be okay for you.”
How could he
keep thinking of my feeling? When he was the one in trouble…? Dujunie, mian.
“Jagiya… open it. Open it.” He took a
breath. “I can’t feel relieve before seeing your face!” His trembling voice
made my heart ached. “I mean it.” He continued. “I feel frustrated right now.”
I walked to the
door. I turned the knob, ‘click’, the door opened. And he was there standing in
a very messy look ever. His hat covered his hair, the black glasses covered his
eyes, the turtleneck covered his body, a big bag covered his back, and a mask
completely covered all his face. He was completely covered. Covered. Not like
the usual him. He never covered everything. Never. He only covered our
relationship. That’s it. Of which I could accept it without any reason. Now,
it’s all different.
I wiped my tears
and opened the door wider let him in without seeing his eyes.
“Miinah-ahh.” He
closed the door and hugged me. My body was so weak that I couldn’t really know
what I should do. “Mian. Mian.” He
said.
I kept silent.
I touched his
back. My fingers were still bleeding. I didn’t care. It didn’t hurt at all, not
like my heart.
“Miinah-ahh, say
something! You scare me.” He hugged me more tightly. “Are you okay? Miinah-ahh,
don’t make me feel uneasy. Say something!” he yelled while I started crying.
Again, crying.
What a girl like me could do? I kept asking myself while my tears began
watering his turtleneck.
Tears, I
couldn’t stop it to fall.
I could hear his
sobbing.
“Don’t cry.” I
said.
Dujun didn’t
answer me. He was crying now. We were both crying in front of the door.
---
“Did you sleep
here last night?”
“Hmm…” I
murmured.
“Laying on sofa
like this while hugging you is good. Choa.”
He said while keeping me on his warm body. We were both laying on the sofa, he
hugged me from behind, his hands in my waist, I touched his warm hands, felt
his fingers on my fingers. “And you let the television turned all the night?”
I nodded. He
stroked my hair. I liked it so much.
“Were you crying
like a rain last night?” he asked while looking at my eyes. His eyes, the tired
eyes, could you stop digging my heart?
“Hmm…” I nodded.
“Sorry.” I said.
“What’s for?” He
asked. “Hmmm…?” He poked my nose. “I am the one who should say sorry, not you.”
He continued. “I don’t know how it can happen.” He sighed, I looked at his
face. “I can’t stop the news spread in internet. Netizens are searching our
names like crazy now. My agency is trying his best now. But Sehun hyung kept getting a call from
reporters. They stayed in front of dorm last night. Even this morning plenty of
them are still there. I sneaked out from dorm when they had breakfast. And it
was crazy… they knew my van, and tried to catch me. People are just too busy to
throw them to the other’s business. Miinah-ahh, are you…,” I wouldn’t hear more
words from his mouth. His nagging made me going crazy. I kissed him to stop
Dujun talking more. He looked surprise for seconds but close his eyes while
trying to find my heart.
I kissed him
without recognizing my tears began to shed. It fell to my cheek. Our cheek got
wet by it. Our faces getting wet cause Dujun starts crying too. We just didn’t
know what we should do. Love and tears were friends. We were realizing now.
Love was hard. Tears were its friend.
---
[The second time
met that person…]
“Ah, appa, I’ll be back before nine.
Promise!” I said while opened the door. “Don’t wait me, appa!” I said while running to the car which Ahjussi had prepared.
“Hyaaa, Miinah-ahh,
be careful! Don’t get hurt, araseo?” Appa ran over to the veranda. I nodded
and waved my hand to him.
“Ahjussi, Young Gyu ahjussi, bring me to this address.” I gave ahjussi a paper which an address written there. “I must be there in
thirty minutes. Can you do it, Seung Chul-ahh?” I asked Seung Chul who driving
the car now. He saw the paper and smiled, “Yes, Miinah agasshi.” He said.
“Hyaa, we are chingu, why you call me agasshi? Seung Chul-ahh, stop it.” I
said while punching his right hand.
“Be careful, agasshi.” Said ahjussi, “You can’t get injured again.”
“Ah, neee, neee, araseoyooooong, ahjussi.” I
put my aegyo on my face made Seung
Chul and ahjussi laugh.
I opened my bag.
I smiled. I took a handkerchief from inside of it, that person’s handkerchief.
Today I’m going to meet him. Yes. Meet him in this special event. I didn’t know
that person going to be this famous. I smirked. If I knew before, I had asked a
sign when met him back then and sell it to my cousin who everyday watching the
television cheered on his group.
“Miinah, it’s
here.” Seung Chul stopped in front of a café while many girls lining up. My
mouth opened widely. What the hell. They were going to attend a fan signing or
buying a new brand shoes? Plus it was so cold out there. It’s winter. Winter, I
said. I couldn’t believe what I saw. This was crazy. I about to open the door
when ahjussi held my hand, “Agasshi, are you going to be okay, right?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes, ahjussi. Don’t worry.” I said while
getting out from the car. I walked to the café. And I stood behind the last
girl who’s on the line. They were queuing while chatting with their friends. I
held the handkerchief and checked the album. Ah it’s still there, my cousin’s
album of course.
I tried to see
the inside of café. “Odiya? Where is
he?” I looked for that person when the girl in front of me said “Dujun oppa mashita, right?” made me want to
hear more from her.
“Yes, yes! He
looks so hot!” Her friend answered.
“I bring a gift
for him.” The first girl said.
“What do you
bring?” Those girls busy showing their gifts.
Sigh. I didn’t
bring any gift. Aish, I don’t care.
I queued for an
hour. And when I entered the café, finally, fiuh, I could see that person
seating there in the last chair. So I would go over those five boys before
reaching him. Oh OK, I could do it. I stared at him, looked at his way smiled
and bowed and thanked the fans, he was a nice boy. A very nice one. When I
smiled by myself, I could see his eyes look at my face. What? He paid attention
at my face, and waved his hand once, and bowed his head while whispered ‘annyeong’ with his lips like a slow
motion. It was so embarrassing. I could feel my face blushing now. Yah,
Miinah-ahh, neo! I yelled at myself. Babo
Miinah.
“Next.” A staff
asked me to go to the first member whom I didn’t know who he was.
“Annyeonghaseyo, a nuna?” He said. A good looking boy sat there. His face didn’t look
like a Korean. He more looked like an Arabian. But he was sure handsome. He
seemed old thou. He should be older than me, don’t say he ….
“Are you the maknae?” I asked a bit surprise with my
brave mouth. He nodded. “Oh, jinjjaeyo?”
“Jinjjaeyo.” He
said while laughing. “You are here not because of me then. You are not my fan.
Are you nuna?”
“I am 89-liner.
You?” I asked.
“91-liner. Then
you are nuna. Oh well, where is your album?” he asked while I was busy taking
the album from my bag.
“This. Write to ‘Seobie’s
wifeu’.” I said innocently. “I
thought that Seobie boy is the maknae.”
I saw a boy sat in the middle whose face looked younger than this real maknae. I held my laugh. My cousin liked
that boy that was why she requested me something silly about that ‘Seobie’s wifeu’ fufufu.
“Are you
Yoseobie hyung’s fans?” asked the
maknae, “Nuna, My name is Dong Woon. Remember it, yes?” he continued. I nodded,
“Gomawo.” I moved to the next members who also said “Oh you are Seob’s fans.” And
when I already in front of Yoseob, he smiled, “You are my fans?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“Are you my
fans? These all members wrote ‘to Seobie’s wifeu’.”
Yoseob pointed to the three other member’s sign. I was about to answer when I
could see Dujun looked at me. I got nervous for no reason.
“No. My cousin is.” I said. “I just bring her album to get sign, she can’t attend today’s
event.”
“Oh, OK, then.” He
said. Dujun sat back at his chair. And suddenly I felt relieve.
What was it?
What happened with me?
I couldn’t
remember what I talked with the two other members next after Yoseob. Now, what
I could see in front of me was Dujun’s face. I put the album in front of him.
“Do you remember
me?” I asked.
He nodded while
giving a sign. “Who is your cousin’s name?” he asked.
“Uh? Soyeon. Choi
Soyeon.” I answered blankly.
“This.” He gave
the album to me.
“Wait.” I opened
my bag.
“Do you have a
gift for me?” He asked.
“Not a gift.
This…” I gave him the handkerchief.
“Ah, mine.” He
accepted it and smiled, “Thank you.”
“Ah, I have a
gift for you actually.” I said.
“What is it?”
Dujun looked curious.
“My heart.” I
said. Oh well, I committed suicide now in front of a man that I like. Oh well,
and the other members of his group. Now all of them starred at me.
“You are my
fans, then? Thank you, I accept it.” Dujun said, still smiling.
“No. I am not
your fans.” I said. I need to get punishment now, God.
The atmosphere
got so dim. I could hear some voices in the room said ‘what is she?’ or ‘is she
out of her mind?’ or ‘she’s trying to steal Dujun oppa’s heart?’ or ‘no way, she is
just random girl’.
“I mean it.” I
said again, didn’t care with what other thought at that time.
“Dujun-ahh.” Some
staffs going to drag me out, I could feel it when an oppa stood beside Dujun.
“Don’t drag her,
hyung. I am going to talk with her. Wait.” Dujun stood and held my hand. The
bee-sound-like filled the café like ‘wuuuuuuuuh, andwaeeeeee…’ from his fans. He
brought me to the manager café’s office. “Let’s talk here.” He said.
“I am sorry.” I
said. “But I’m being sincere now.”
“About your
heart?” He asked.
“Yes.” I said.
Someone needed to throw rocks to my head. I just couldn’t stop it.
“You can take
that gift for me now?” He asked again. What? Take my heart? How?
“How? Of course,
I can’t.” I answered.
“Show me your
heart tomorrow.” He said. “ I can’t see it now, because I still haven't finished
this event.”
“Show my heart? How?”
I didn’t know what he said.
“Tomorrow. Wait
for my call.” He said.
“Your call, I don’t
have….”
“Where’s your
hand phone?” He took my hand phone which I held in my hand all this time. He input
some numbers, and tried to call, and he took his hand phone from his pocket. “That’s
my number.”
“Uh?” I went……
blank.
Blank.
“Now you may go
home. Wait for my call, OK?” He left me alone after ruffled my hair.
What had happened
just now?
I went…
BLANK.
---
Dujun laughed.
We both laughed at my old memories.
“That was at the
fan signing event. You know, your face looks so red, I thought you got fever.
Thus you said such nonsense words.” Dujun poked my nose.
“The room got so
weird because I confess to you. Many people wanted to kill me at that time.” We
both laughed.
“That was really
funny.” He said. “And after that manager hyung
angry at me, haha,” He ate his French toast while laughing.
“Don’t laugh while
eating, you are going to choke.” I said.
“Your face seems
better after showering, Miinah-ahh.” He said while touching my cheek. “From now
on, don’t cry anymore, OK?”
I nodded. “I won’t.”
I held his hand. His fingers covered by my long sleeve. I had taken a bath just
now and wore a white t-shirt up to the knee with long sleeves.
“By the way, the
blood still won’t stop?” he looked at my fingers which still bleeding.
“It will stop
soon.” I said. “Don’t worry.”
“Every day I
shock….” The ringtone of Dujun’s cell phone rang. “Wait.” He said while taking
his phone. “Oh, Seobie?” he answered.
I walked toward
him. I saw his back looked so comfortable. He still talked to Yoseob on phone.
I couldn’t handle my feeling to touch him now. How could he survive in this condition?
What should we do? What should I do with my dad? I touched his back. He looked
at me for awhile and back to his phone. I let my body touched his back. The
owner of this back shouldn’t get problem because of me. No way. I hugged him
from behind. Dujun stopped talking and touched my hands that lingering his
waist.
“Wait.” He whispered
to me. “Seobie, listen, I am gonna off for a day. Sehun hyung already knew. Oh,
OK, araseo….” He hang the phone and threw it on the sofa. “What was it Miinah?”
he said while looked at my face.
I kissed him
softly.
“Let’s break up.”
That was my
voice.
My voice.
Nae meokseori.
“What?” he
asked. He was about to turn around.
“Stay still. I love
your back.” I said. “I can’t stand this condition. Your way to be a great
artist still very long, Dujun-ahh.” I continued, held my tears. No more tears.
“Shireo. I won’t break up with you.” He talked
while closing his eyes, “We can solve this problem, Miinah. Oh, Miinah-ahh? Oh?”
“I can’t” I
said.
I’m sorry for
loving you. I don’t know that loving someone is this hard.
I’m sorry.
---
[to be continued - in the middle of writing]
"I DON'T KNOW LOVE part 1" read here: IDKL part 1
