[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 21

[DUJUN]

As I got out from my car, I could feel my heart was beating so fast. This time I need to fight alone, face her dad. I didn’t know what would happen next between us, all I knew now was I did not want to waste my last chance to be by her side. I saw a big gate in front of me, right when a car stopped in front of it. I saw Young Gyu ahjussi on the driver seat, Miinah’s bodyguard. He looked at me, glared to the back seat. There, I saw Miinah’s dad. He looked at me when the gate opened. I thought the car would enter the yard, but I found Miinah’s dad got out from the car and walked toward me made me automatically bowed to him.

“Dujun-sshi, majayo?”

“Ne, cho-yo, aboji.” I said. I did not know what I should say right now. I just stayed still.

“Follow me.” He asked me to follow him enter the car again, as I silently sat beside him on the back seat. “I know why you are here.” He said.

I turned my head to face him. “What do you know aboji?” I asked.

“Miinah.” He said, short. “I know… you love her as much as I love her.” He sighed.

I just nodded when I realized Young Gyu ahjussi drove the car back to the road when Miinah’s dad patted my shoulder, “Let’s meet her, first.” I couldn’t help but kept staring at him, what kind of man he is?

---

[MIINAH]

The nurse said that dad was going home when I opened my eyes. Today how many times I had fallen asleep, I couldn’t remember. Every time I saw blood on my sheet I just couldn’t handle it but fell unconscious. What the hell the doctor and the nurses did actually, they kept inject me with those fucking needles and let me bleed as well. I did not know why my body being weak, like this. Just let me die. Let me.

“Nurse…” I mumbled.

“Yes, miss?” She put her face near me.

“I felt something hurt below my body,” I said, “at my back.” While panting I tried to make every word clear in her ears.

“I will check it, miss.” She slightly turned my back.

“Akkk… be… ca..re..full…” Without realizing it, I shed tears. This hurt me so much.

“Oh my god!” The nurse sounded so shock, and then I could hear she tried to call the doctor in charge. “Doctor, patient named Choi Miinah, bleeding in her back bone.”

“Wh…aaat…?” I uttered breathless.

“Doctor, hurry!” As I heard footsteps came closer to my bed, and hands all over my body, I also heard his voice.

Dujun.

“Miinah!” He was here. No, I do not want him see me like this. I do not want him!

“Doctor…. Don’t let him see me like this…” I tried to say all the words with my last breath. “Don’t let him… jebal…”

“Miinah!” Dujun’s voice echoed these four walls.

“DUJUN-AH!” I screamed with my all efforts I could do, “DON’T COME NEAR ME.” As the light became dim, and dark, I closed my eyes.

---

to be cont

*sorry for the short update kkkk*

Shamelessly Addicted to Caffeine

I do not own the pic

[AUDIO COVER] YOSEOB'S CAFFEINE BY ME

This is my creepy voice LOL

I cover Caffeine just for having some fun

Sorry for ruining the song kekeke^^

The Moment I Miss the Most (with him) 120317

120317 my lovely Dujun right in front of me

I am longing for this boy huhuhu TTTT
-it's already eight months after the BS Jakarta but I still feel the effect-

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[MV REVIEW] YANG YOSEOB'S 'CAFFEINE' : IS CAFFEINE BAD?

First of all, I need to calm myself down. I don't know that just now I had watched best MV ever for this year. I mean this one:

Say whaaaaat? Yes, our main vocal now having a solo album with title song: CAFFEINE. And the video above is the MV. How is your reaction? My reaction is........ what more can be better than this? I was kinda late to watch it, like 30 minutes after being released. And my twitter time line flooded by Beauty-s who were going crazy because of this artistic MV. Me too, widened my eyes and my mouth when watching it. God, this is just so beautiful in my eyes. 

Actually I feel so dumb to write this review. Yeah, because I know most of you already have your own interpretations. But, I can't help to write it down what I get from this MV. To be honest I don't know how to start the first words (huaaaa TTTT).

I don't know what happen to me.... (Joker's line ughhh....)

So, all of us here know that this MV is about Yoseob who is betrayed by his girlfriend because she is dating Junhyung (OMG, I can't help but laugh, such lucky girl!). And the girl leaves him alone, and chooses to run to Junhyung. Or, vice versa --well after all in the end they decide to break up. There goes Yoseob alone in his room.

Well, this MV is actually telling us that Yoseob in his room remembering the past. The room is in dim light, he serves himself a cup (or cups) of coffee, and playing lamb figure (doll) with a forest full set (or whatever it is) in a table which there is the photo of him and a girl in a broken frame. While he touches the lamb, the memories of him with the girl appears in the scene. In the past, he supposed to write diary together with the girl, and now he reads the diary all alone. In the past, he supposed to cuddle with the girl while sharing kiss, but now he has been left alone. These scenes direct us to ask: what happen actually between the couple? Meanwhile in my mind: why out of nowhere there are lamb figures there? How can lamb and caffeine placed in the same plate?

Lamb is, you know, that animal, right? But it has another definition as a person who is as innocent as lamb, or the one who is victimized (ardictionary). On the other hand, caffeine is a nervous stimulant usually found in tea or coffee. While the song tells us about:

Cause you’re like caffeine, I can’t fall asleep all night
My heart keeps racing and again, I hate you
Like caffeine, I try to stay away
I try to forget about you but I can’t do it, I can’t help it

 

You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, so bad to me, yeah

It means Yoseob is the innocent one who is being harmed by the girl. Since he is the victim, can you feel how hard being the one who needs to handle all pains together? You can't sleep, you still want her, you still remember her clearly, and your heart keeps racing nervously because of her. You want to forget her but you just can't do it that you can't help but hate her more and more. Just like caffeine, when you consume it once, you just can't stay away from it because you have already addicted. How bad caffeine for your body? It may lock you in a four walls of desperation. You can't help but feel so floaty that you don't even remember you are supposed-to-be-alive-creature. You just don't know where you are actually. Everything on your eyes are just the same. 

The saddest thing is even you know how bad the caffeine is you keep consuming it til death, like what Yoseob does when he throws the cup, can you see how many cups already thrown by him? Look there are so many broken cups on the floor under the mirror. He keeps looking on his reflection but he still can't figure it out what actually happen to him and why it happen to him. 

And when the skull (which means death and mortality) appears in the MV, it has strengthened the idea that Yoseob is none other than a walking dead man. He has already died inside and lost soul. When he decides to take the luggage from the girl, it has significance that he still wants to keep the things (which part of his old memories) with him, but as he slowly dies inside, those things are no longer worth. That's why there's the scene where he, the luggage and also the diary burned.

But, you can't lie to anyone that what is kept in your heart will always be there. Just like him who takes the silver box from the girl, unlock it, open it, take what is inside, and put it on where your heart supposed to be. Like a robot, you take the heart and keep it on your chest forever because everything that has been written there can't be erased easily, and we will always cherish it. You live but you are not alive.

You can't erase love, you can't avoid it although it's so bad to you,  because what had happened in life is still something beautiful you can always cherish.

Even though I hate you like this
When I think about the times we were together, I smile
Maybe I don’t want to forget you
Yes, I don’t want to forget you
I want to cherish you

Indeed, what a beautiful song and artistic MV. I love it so much. Let's support our boys more, now and ever.

TAKE WITH PROPER CREDIT

'INSPIRED BY BISETEU-FAMILY' IS BETTER

THANK YOU

p.s. hella damn nice dancing moves! the dancers baddasss! prepix daebak! and the floating scene I can't help but went O_O speechless kekekek. Besides, I also love the coffee-feel U.U and I am sorry for the bad review TTTT 

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 20

[MIINAH 2 months ago]

It was a rainy day in LA. I sat on my couch while surfing to the internet. I dropped by on one of his site. My eyes fully widened when I saw his photo with his artist friend. I read the name: Heo… Ga… Yoon. This girl… I had seen her in his agency before. Was she that girl from that 4minute girl group? I didn’t really follow the development of boy group and girl group, but because my lover was in it, I must at least know the industry.

Guys, our oppa spotted with unnie, having a nice chat in a café… huuuuhuuuu TTTTT *broken hearted sobs sobssssss - 01

I giggled.

I couldn’t help but commit suicide rite now huhuhuu oppa don’t do that TTTTT - 03

I laughed.

Back then he was with 'that girl'… where has she gone? Twice their rumors hit us. Remember? – 05

I gulped down my own bitter saliva. That was me the one she refers to. I couldn’t help but laugh once again. I turned my head to the photos in the wall. I saw his smiling faces. My wall fulfilled by his photos. I smiled bitterly. I would be back to Seoul and holding the exhibition there. I promise you, Yoon Dujun. I could do it.

“Deng Dong”

The bell door rang. I ran to the front door. I smiled widely probably that was the package I had ordered which was new album of BEAST. I ran toward the stairs happily. I didn’t know the floor was slippery, and for a second I had slipped with the mat, and fell from the second floor, my body rolled on the stairs until I felt my body ached so much as I felt the cold floor at my back.

“Aakk…” I mumbled.

“Agassshiiii….” I could hear the very voice of Young Gyu ahjusshi before I shut my eyes off.

I closed my eyes. I sighed. That day onward I spent my days at hospital like a fool. My body ached so bad that I couldn’t even feel alive. I got the transfusion at the first week, I accepted it. But, the next day, the doctor told me about my current condition that I was slowly dying. I knew it. How come a hemophilia patient so foolish likes me? Fell from second floor plus rolling down on the stairs.

I knew it already.

“Doctor, I want to stop the treatment.” I said.

“W—what?” The doctor asked. “You need to continue receive the transfusion, miss.”

“I do not want.” I said, “There’s something I need to do so I can feel alive.”

“….”

“Doctor, just give me the medicine.” I begged.

“But, the blood is bleeding inside slowly. You need to take treatment.” He said.

“I could handle it.” She said. “You know, I want to fly before falling to the ground, Doctor.” I started to cry. The doctor looked at me taken a back.

“But, promise me, you will come back here once you feel sick.” He said, more like ordered me.

“Yes, I will.” I nodded while wiping my tears.

“By the way, what is your planning to make you alive?” the doctor asked in the middle of checking my health.

“I… photograph, doctor.” I said, smiling.

“What?” he didn’t get it.

“I am a photographer, doctor.” I said, “aaak…” suddenly I felt my body ached so bad, “God, doctor, aaakk… be careful with the needle.” Then here went the blood spreading everywhere, I got so speechless just by looking at it. I wanted to throw up seeing it, yet my body in sudden went so weak. I couldn’t help but fell unconscious.

Thus, how hard Young Gyu ahjusshi forced me to come to the hospital I just couldn’t go. And I didn’t want to. I didn’t want seeing blood spreading everywhere again. Then I stopped coming to the hospital and decided to finish everything soon, and back to Seoul before I was really being shut down by God. Two months for preparation, sometimes I felt sick and couldn’t handle it but I had my medicine around. And the one who gave me strength was none other than him. I promise you, Yoon Dujun that I’ll be the one who put your photo on my first exhibition before I died.

I was dying… I felt it… that was why… I came back to Korea….

Not because I wanted to meet you, Yoon Dujun, my lovely one.

But, because… I want to fulfill my promise to you.

I wiped my tears as the nurse came to me, and my dad had already left with Dr. Lee.

---

[DUJUN]

“Where are you going?” my mom yelped as this morning I dropped by on my parent’s house.

“Miinah’s dad’s home, eomma.” I said, slowly.

“What will you do, son?” she asked.

“Could you accept the one I love, eomma?” I asked her while eyeing her moist eyes, when my dad patted my shoulder. I turned my face to him.

“Go, Dujun. Go.” He said.

“Himnae!” I heard Doori noona cheered on me from the couch in the living room.

“I will, son.” Mom hugged me. “Bring her here. I will love her as you do.”

I took my jacket and car key, bowed to them, and ran to the front door.

Yeah, I would do it for the one I loved the most.

---

[to be cont]

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 19

[DUJUN]

I woke up on my bed. I felt my head so dizzy, I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind flied to Miinah all the time. I didn’t know what I should do now. Should I come to her dad’s home, or just wait like this? Argh, I patted my head, cursed to myself. How come I was so under control of this girl –my Miinah? I shook my head heavily.

“Dujun, wake up! Wake up!” I hardly opened my eyes. I saw her smiling with her clouded eyes.

“Oh, Miinah-ahh. What are you…,” I sat on my bed, yawning, looking at her confusedly, “What are you doing here?” I asked while reading the watch, it was sure seven in the morning. “It’s still so early in the morning.” I kicked her butt with my left leg when she opened the curtain.

“Hyaaah, don’t kick me! Hyaaaah!” She yelped but I kept teasing her by kicking her back side. “Look we can see it here too!” She pointed to the rainbow which was drawn in the sky, so beautiful. 

“Wow.” I amazed with what I was seeing now. “Beautiful.” I uttered. She smiled while walking toward my bed, and sat on the edge of it. “Are you running here just because of that?” I asked her who was staring at the rainbow out there. “Last night the rain was sure hard. I’m sorry I can’t accompany you take the photos for your assignment.” I went closer to her side, ruffled her hair.

She hissed, “Aigooyaaaah… I was wet last night waiting for you, and I bet you slept like a fat cow.” I giggled seeing her, pouted her lips, so cute. “I hate you.”

“Mian mian… Last night I have some schedules, and when it ended, it’s raining so hard. Look even it can create the rainbow.” I tried to cheer her up, “So, I decided to go home first, but unfortunately I have fallen asleep.”

“Uuuh… was my baby so tired?” She pouted her lips again. “I don’t believe you. You must be deciding to go to bed, not because accidently falling asleep.” She added. Miinah stood but I successfully caught her wrist.

“Odiga?” I asked, looking at her moist eyes. “You get your period, huh?”

“W—what?” She stuttered made me chuckle. “I am not.” She said, fast.

“Then, why you get so emotional… and look teary like that?” I hissed, “Does the period hurt you?” I smirked.

“W—what are you… hyaaa babo Dujun-ahh, I am not in my period!” He patted my head hard, “Huh!” She shoved my hand from gripping her wrist.

“Hyaaaa…. Hyaaa… odigaaaaaaaaaa?” I rubbed my head back, and followed her to the kitchen, “Hyaaaa, Miinaaaaaaaah-yaaaaaaaaaa….” I tried to put my aegyo, bubbling like usual.

“You know what… I am happy when running here… but you ruin it by saying such things.” She pouted her lips like one thousand times already now. I couldn’t help but laughing.

“Muaaahhhaaaa… wae? Wae? I’m just kidding.” I went closer to her side, gripped her waist from behind, “What happened? What is the happy news? Hmm…” I turned her so she could face me. Her gaze fell to the floor.

“By the way Dujun-ahh, how many red boxers do you have?” She chuckled seeing my boxer.

“What the hell, I don’t realize I’m still wearing my boxer….” I blushed as my cheeks became red.

“And you still half naked.” She laughed while patted my arm.

“Oh.” I looked at my naked top. I couldn’t hide my embarrassment. “I should wear my t-shirt. Err… I don’t know… I…” Before I couldn’t continue my words, Miinah hugged me while laughing hard.

“It’s okay. Muaahhaaaa… if not like this, I can’t see that actually you have abs.” She hugged me, caressed my back. “I’m happy that… I have my own apartment soon.” She said, “Because it’s the time my mother asked me, ehmm actually written in her letter, to move out from my dad’s house.”

“Really?” I took her chin up. “Chukae.” I said while pecked her lips.

“You know I can be free now.” She back hugged me. “Finally…”

“I’ll help you move.” I said, “When will you move?”

“Today.” She said, “I can’t handle my dad’s frustration anymore. Maybe I’m getting older and seem not riding the same boat with my dad.” Miinah sighed. I could feel her heavy breathe on my chest.

“….” I fell into silence.

“I’m tired… he is not even my related blood dad.” She hissed. “But still he is so freaking good to me.”

“….” There was no word from my mouth.

“I can’t see him in the eyes because I always cause trouble to him.”

“What trouble?” I asked, finally.

“Just… something.” She said while looking at my eyes, “Don’t worry. It’s not something important. How bout we go out for having breakfast?” She smiled beautifully.

I just nodded. “Let me wash myself first.”

I sighed. I could see all of those scenes played in front of me right now. I could feel how Miinah patted my arm to wake me up. That day the first day I could see her smile without that cloud in her eyes. She looked like a bird that just flied from her gold cage. I didn’t know she felt uneasy to always trouble her dad because of her sickness. I was just realizing it now.

Now, I knew what I should do. I kicked my blanket away and ran to my bathroom.

--- 

[MIINAH]

“How could she skip the blood transfusion? For freaking two months she hadn’t had the transfusion, Mr. Choi.” A man in white suit talked to dad, my eyes which slightly opened caught his figure, Dr. Lee, the private doctor of our family. I hissed, realizing where I was now. This was the fucking hospital I hated the most.

“I don’t know, Dr. Lee. She kept insisting to come alone to do the transfusion, even more she lived in LA with just two bodyguards around.” Dad faced him with moist eyes. “I thought she is still in LA.”

“The disease has reached her brain, Mr. Choi.” Dr. Lee said trying to sound calm. “It seemed she had fallen before. That’s why there are some arteries opened. You know for hemophilia patient, we can’t even inject the needle or infuse her carelessly because we must not touch the vessel. For heaven sake, something has happened to her that produces the bleeding brain.”

“She said… she said… she said… she is dying, Dr. Lee.” Dad said. I couldn’t handle my feeling; I shed tears as my memory flying away to the LA, several months ago.

That’s the reason why I was here.

---

[to be cont]

I LOVE IT, DUJUN WITH KIDS!

Dujun with FC MEN at a charity football match on 121117

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I do not own this

[VIDEO] YOSEOB'S MV TEASER: CAFFEINE

GUISSSEEEE, I am here *well panting so hard hosh hosh* YOSEOBIEEEEEEE in his MV teaser, OMG OMG *soom in soom out, myself, calm down please, calmmmm...dooowwn...will ya?* is so kiddo? LOL... No, I mean he tried so hard to look like a manly man, but my eyes still saw him like a lit kid lol. But, he is sure handsome, guisseee^^ *well I'm dying and trying to take deep breath, ffuuh*. Do you see he had the kissing scene? Do you still love him, right? Remember it's just an MV, a work of him. So, don't put yourself in a worry too much. Okay okay?^^ 

I love the coffee, the way he drank the coffee, and the lyric... tho it's only lit part of the whole but still... we can judge that 'Caffeine' gonna be a great song. The MV looks quiet classy, I love it. Junhyung did great job too. Wow, our boys have grown up. Let's support them! Fighting, BEAST! Fighting, BEAUTY! 

 

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