[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 23

[DUJUN]

The time I saw blood on the back of her white hospital shirt, I felt my body weakened. I couldn’t feel my feet. I saw her crying in pain there, but I couldn’t reach her with my own hands to help her cure the pain. The doctor and nurses’ hands were all over her body when she yelped to me to not come to any nearer to her. She was afraid I looked her in a terrible way, yes, I felt afraid, but I just couldn’t let her alone in the pain. She fell unconscious when I reached her bed, and the doctor hushed me away to give her the best treatment. Her dad dragged me away, my eyes were wet with tears, and I felt so numb.

“You see… that’s what I am afraid most.” Miinah’s dad said. “When you can’t handle what you see in front of your eyes.” He patted my shoulder gently. “Could you still love her?” these last words kept echoed in my mind as I saw Miinah slept soundly in front of me. After the ‘pee’ incident the doctor gave her medicine, and then she fell asleep. I kept holding on her hand, interlocked our fingers. I eyed her wrist which made me remember the first day I met her.

The first day I met her was actually not in front of my agency building, but in the play yard in Ilsan when I was around ten. She was crying while sitting on the swing and my ball hit her. I lent her my handkerchief and he paid me back with her lollipop on her hands. That moment when she handed the lollipop I could see the needle marks here and there on her wrist. I knew just now that those marks had to be the trace of every injection she had been through. How hard your life Miinah-ahh, since young ‘til now, dear? I caressed her cheek with my thumb. I could also remember her smile back then, the same smile she showed to me every day. Now it’s different. I caressed her lips, could this lips smile again? I just couldn’t remember her name, so when she appeared in front of me in the fan signing event, and confessed to me, I took the chance. So, it happened that little girl was really Miinah. The same marks, the same wrist, the same smile, and I even lent her the same handkerchief, does she remember me? I kissed her lips briefly while my tip nose touched the oxygen tube made me chuckle by myself. With her around me, I just can be simply me, and be happy, please be strong and always by my side, sweetheart…

“Drrrt drrrt” my phone vibrated. I saw a message came. I opened it which it came from Junhyung.

Dujun-ahh, Hong abojie let you take few days rest onward.

There’s no schedule for us too. Only some of us go on the individual activities.

But, if you don’t mind try to open our fan café. Something big happens.

I smiled. Thank God, I have the best people around. I texted Junhyung back.

I am sorry for causing trouble to you guys. I will text Hong abojie. Miinah is on hospital now, Junhyung, but don’t worry, she’s gonna be okay soon.

Okay, I will check the fan café.

I pulled my hand from Miinah’s hand and check my fan café. I hope something bad didn’t happen now. I saw Yoseob posted a fan letter there. He wrote about me and Miinah, and in charge of me, he said sorry and asked B2uty to understand me and to accept Miinah. I massaged my temple, well, they decide to do something without my agreement, good kiddos. Now, as I felt rather angry, I checked the B2utys’ reactions which made me widen my eyes.

They… accepted… us.

I will always support oppa no matter what.

Me too, after seeing unnie being dragged by her dad, I felt so sad. I want them to be together.

Huhuhu I still want oppa to be mine, but, yeah, as long as he is happy, I give him to the unnie.

And still many more of their comments gave me permission to be with Miinah. Without realizing it, my tears fell down on my cheeks, and I smiled – the best fans in the world. I left a post there:

Hi, guys, this is leader Dujun. Thank you everyone for letting me having this blissful relationship. I’m sorry for hiding the things all this time. Now since it has been revealed, will you guys pray for Miinah unnie? She is now sick and hospitalized. I hope she will get better soon. And excuse me for absent from some schedules. I won’t leave you, guys. But, I need your help to accept me the way I am now.

Sincerely thank you, B2utys.

“Dujun.” I heard a soft voice called my name. I caught her eyes. She smiled back to me. “Why you smile by yourself?” He squeezed the back of my hand. “Something happy happen?” She breathed slowly.

I nodded. “Something good happens. And it’s good that you are already awake,” I said, “because it’s the time for having lunch. See, this is your lunch.” I pointed to the meals provided by the hospital. “You want me to feed you or –”

“I will eat it by myself.” She said, tried to sit. “Auhh…” She murmured as I eyed her, she indeed looked in pain but forced herself to look strong.

“Do not try to look strong in front of me anymore.” I pressed her shoulder to back in her lying position, but gave one more pillow on the back of her head. “I will feed you.” I said, trying to sound as calm as possible.

“But…” She tried to open her mouth again, but I had locked my lips on hers. She looked at my eyes, surprised. She pushed my chest. “I’m sick… how could you kiss me…” her cheeks reddened made me giggle.

“Because your lips are so naughty, you see.” I said while feeding her the soup. “Here, eat it. Aaaaa…” This was first time ever in my life feeding a sick girl in the bed of a hospital and I felt extremely happy. I loved seeing her eating like that. She ate the meals with her eyes eyeing me. I just stared back at her. “Why?” I asked finally.

“Don’t you think I look like a monster now?” She said, still locked her gaze on me. “I know you saw my bleeding back yesterday.” She turned her eyes to the ceiling, “I must be looked like a monster, frightened you.” She sighed.

“Miinah-ahh… what you say… how could you say something like that?” Her words hurt me so much that I could feel my heart being stabbed by knife. “I never look at you like that; you are still the same Miinah… whom I love so much, before and after.” I feed her again.

“But, can’t you see, perhaps I can’t run beside you anymore.” She tried to avoid my gaze, “I’m only a burden for you.”

“No… you are not.” I hissed. “Jebal, Miinah-ahh, I am still the same person as before, and so you are.” I squeezed her hand gently. “I love you… always.” I said.

“I… I… love… you… too…” She said those words while tears started to come out and run to her cheeks. I pulled her to my embrace.

“Shh… don’t cry… shh… everything will be okay.” I stroked her hair slowly, “believe me.” I planted a kiss on her forehead.

---

[MIINAH]

“Hi, Miinah…” I saw smiling faces in front of me through the Ipad screen. I tried to bow as much as I can. I slightly looked at Dujun who intertwined our fingers and sat in the edge of my bed while holding the Ipad. “Eomma appa, don’t be too obvious that you are happy seeing your future daughter in law, aish, you guys embarrass me.” He said to her parents through the Ipad screen. I stared at him, future daughter in law?

“Why? Eomma is just happy seeing her.” His mom pouted to him, and back to look at me. “Dear, how is your condition? I am sorry I haven’t had a chance to visit you, but we will soon.” She smiled.

I smiled. “I am okay, eomma.” I said, “Do not force yourself to visit me. Dujun is enough.” I tightened my intertwine fingers into his.

“But, we want to meet you, tal.” His dad showed his face on the screen made me smile, “Doori too will come.”

“My older sister.” Dujun whispered.

“Ohh…” I looked at him before smiling to his dad, “thank you, abojie…” I said.

“Eomma, appa, I think it’s the time for Miinah to go to bed, and both of you too, take enough rest please.” Dujun talked to his parents. “Is it okay?”

“Oh, geureu… Miinah, be safe, and you, Dujun, stay close to her.” His mom smiled to me while his dad waved his hands showing the palms to the screen. I slightly bowed and smiled, “Neee, eomma appa.” I uttered.

It’s been awhile, I call someone by the name EOMMA. I smiled and found Dujun put the Ipad on the table beside the bed. “Dujun-ahh, what does that mean by future daughter in law?” I asked him.

“That means you. Don’t you want to be their daughter in law?” He sat gently on the edge of my bed; his eyes locked mine, “To be the daughter in law of my parents, don’t you want it?” He caressed my cheek. “Well, now time to sleep.” He stroked my hair, and planted a kiss on my forehead. “I will sit here by yourside.”

I made space on my bed, and patted it, “Will you sleep beside me?” I asked. He widened his eyes. “It’s okay, this bed is big enough for both of us.” I said, pulled his hand.

“But, what if the nurses or doctor see us?” He asked, frowning.

“They will be happy see a happy couple cuddling to each other, I bet?” I laughed. He surprisingly looked at me, and laughed with me.

“Muhahahaha, you little Miinah!” He pretended to hit my forehead and I pretended to avoid it.

Yes, he is the only one.

---

to be cont

[MV REVIEW] NELL'S 'WHITE NIGHT': THE SLEEPLESS NIGHT

 
Have you watched Nell's White Night? Last night I was happen to stream on it, and got so amaze. Damn it, such mysterious and freaking beautiful MV. The song is cliche, I mean about someone who can't live alone without the presence of his/her lover after breaking up, he/she can't get over of his/her lover, and need to continue his/her life. Yeah something like that. Check the video here. Well, I will make it short, remembering I just can't really concentrate in this hot weather (yeah it's raining season but this Monday it's kind of exception). Cut this shit off, slap me. 

At first, I didn't get what this MV means and wants to deliver. But, after watching and thinking over it twice, (and more) I slightly got some hints. I don't know whether it's true or not, because this is just what so called assumption (thank you, so don't deal anymore with my analysis onward). 

From the very beginning of this MV we can see a scene of a space object comes to the earth. Happen to hit the girl's house. And then, we are asked to follow the girl to find some oxygen, yes, it seems she can't breathe well after the flying space object hit on her house. She tries to breathe on the oxygen tube, but it fails and she sees a man lying on the floor, has died. She slightly approaches him, and takes the oxygen tube, and she can breathe through it. Then she realizes that the man is her lover when she looks at the man's fourth finger which is cut while the ring on there. Then the flashback being shown to us, that how nice her relationship with him before (the man gave her the damn beautiful ring). But, suddenly there is something bump on her house when she finds the frozen ring on the floor, then she sees herself lying on the floor. And suddenly all the things cover with the falling snow. She slightly fall asleep and we can see many presences of her there. Then she opens her eyes, and everything is back to the first time she opens her eyes. Yes, the same thing happens again, everyday.

We find flying space object, oxygen tube, the in-black-suit-dead-man, the frozen ring, the falling snow, the broken house, and the presence of the girl's bodies lying on the floor everywhere in the room. Come to my assumptions:

1. Flying space object is 'something' from outside (people, such troublesome thing, etc) comes to interrupt their harmonious relationship life that makes all the things broken which leads them to break up.
2. The girl in white dress is the survivor in this relationship, who is left alone without any companion and hurt alone (or as the victim). 
3. The broken house is the representation of their broken relationship.
4. The in-black-suit-dead-man is none other than her lover who is walking away from her. Yes, she can feel his presence but he is not alive anymore there. He is just a mere memory.
5. Oxygen tube is the symbolization of her struggle to stay alive. She still wants to feel alive after all the things happen on her. She tries to breathe from an oxygen tube to other and another. And end up succeed in breathing after taking the man's oxygen tube. This means she still can't get over with the man, she still needs his attendance on her life to stay alive. 
6. The frozen ring is actually telling us that although how much she tries to erase love, she just can't because love will always there, frozen by the moment, in the endless time, endless space (don't you think the lyric match very well?).
7. The falling snow is the symbolization of dead, sleep, hibernation, stagnation (http://www.scribd.com/doc/6472314/Symbolism-in-Literature). You may choose one of these, because this MV can bring us to the the dead relationship, the sleeping girl who wants to wake up to face the reality, the hibernation of her life, or the stagnation of her memories in the same place. You may choose one.
8. The presence of the girl's bodies lying on the floor everywhere in the room, of course, shows us how hard being girl who can't be moved. She just wondering around in the room, fails to move on.

How do you think? She fails to move on after the storm hits her beautiful love relationship and let her live breathless like a fool. And the title of this song is White Night, why? White night means a night without sleep (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/white+night). Yes, the girl indeed sleepless because she has been like a ghost who is wandering here and there in those damn endless memories.

*maybe my assumptions can't get A from my professor lol* thank you for reading thou. ^^

DAEBAK!!! NELL!!!

cr: uploader

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take with proper credit

thank you

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 22

[DUJUN]

“I am not her biological father.” He said. I just shut my mouth off. “I am her mother’s best friend.” He continued while looking to the outside scenery. Her confession didn’t bother Young Gyu ahjussi to keep driving the car silently. “But, I love her.” He sighed. I breathed deeply, tried to understand all the things in one go. “Miinah’s grandfather separated us. Then Miinah’s mother married to the man her dad chose.” He sighed after saying the last word. I just nodded.

“Do you know, Dujun-sshi.” He looked at me. I confusedly stared at him. “Miinah’s mother had the same disease like Miinah, and so did her father.” He said with moist eyes, “Her dad passed away first, then soon her mother followed him after getting in car accident with me.” I could see tears in the corner of his eyes. “We involved in that damn accident and made her lose so much blood.” He wiped his eyes slightly. “Her father was the one who had the disease, and her mother was recipient.” He inhaled, “That was what doctor said to me… around ten years ago, the first time I knew Miinah has that damn disease.” He locked my eyes with his. “If her mother married with me, no one will suffer from that disease. Her father was the main problem. Now, Miinah inherits his disease.”

“You said… Miinah’s mother also had the disease.”

“Yes. But, a mother can’t give it to her daughter. The father does.” He rubbed his neck, “That was what doctor said. And, only if both of the parents have the disease, the child of them can inherit it. Bloody hell, both of them had it.” Rather yelled, he looked frustrated by himself.

I just stayed still, tried to arrange the missing puzzle.

“After her father died, I married to her mother. Her grandfather, who was old enough to think such thing, finally gave me permission to marry Hyeri, Miinah’s mother. I love Miinah as much as I love Hyeri.” He tried to arrange his breath, “But the happiness just last for some months before God made us involved in that accident.” He looked at me again, tried to read my mind, “Miinah was with us, she was just twelve back then and bled so bad. That was the day I knew she had hemophilia, the same day of her mother’s funeral.” He tried to block his tears but it failed. I saw a tear escaped from his eyes, “I feel so sorry for hurting my most important women in my life.” He wiped it away. “I just do not want you to feel what I feel.” He squished my hand, “And I do not want to make Miinah suffering from trying to chase an impossible dream.” He closed his eyes for second, “For developing love. It was a sickening stuff for her; I do not want her in her last days she tries to dream of beautiful love that she won’t ever reach it even before she turns twenty five.”

I eyed him. I just wanted to say “I won’t give her a beautiful love; I just want to give her what I have.” But I held it.

“I do not want to see her, like Hyeri who was suffering because of a man she loves. I do not want you to be me, sending the one you love without enough giving in.” He tried to dig my eyes, but I just stared at him blankly without knowing what I should do.

“Do you love her?” he asked.

I just slightly nodded.

“Marry her.” He said, clearly, entered my ears.

I looked at his black eyes.

“The last thing you could do before it’s too late.” He said, “I never put money over Miinah. I am against your relationship because I do not want you to hurt her in the end. Now, it’s the time for you to show me that I can approve you.” He challenged me. I knew it.

I didn’t know what the best reaction I should show right now.

I just didn’t know the right thing right now.

I just...

“Erghh…” I opened my eyes, forgetting about the conversation happened between me and Miinah’s dad in the car this noon when I heard a soft voice echoed the room. I looked at the source. “Ehmm…” I looked at her. She didn’t open her eyes, but her lips continued moaning. The doctor and nurses had left an hour ago after taking care of her bleeding back skin. The doctor said that it would make her feel some pains in her slumber. I stood from the couch, and walked toward her. I squished her hand, held it, as I stood right beside her, while she held my hand back, and I intertwined my fingers with hers. I couldn’t handle my tears to fall seeing her so pale and weak. I couldn’t see the bright Miinah.

I felt so bad that I didn’t even know how much she suffered all this time.

Do I really love her?

Do I know what love is?

Do I have right to love her?

I don’t know love.

---

[MIINAH]

I could hear a singing bird. I could hear the breezing wind. I could hear the sound of morning. I could feel the sun shone so brightly. I could feel my body gave its reaction to the nice weather. My eyes found a way to open the lid. My hand wanted to open, and arched the fingers. But, there were fingers intertwined with them. Slightly I opened my eyes. I could feel hair on my left arm, the head was right beside me, and his left hand lingered with mine. He was a man. He slept over on his right arm in a sitting position on a chair. I knew this scent. This was so familiar that my nose started to smell it happily. My favorite perfume ever, this was Dujun’s.

“D---d---d---uuu---juuu---nnn?” I mumbled in the middle of trying to sync my breath. I breathed toward the oxygen tube. I ruffled his hair with my free fingers, the right hand. He didn’t move at all. I arched my back, rather hurt. I kept stroking his hair, felt it to my skin. I wanted him to wake up and help me to call the nurse. “H---hhh---oonn---nee---y---,” I tried hard to reach his shoulder, but my attempt failed. I tried to reach his cheek, I touched it, “W---waaa---kkk---eee---uuppp---,” I breathe, “w---will---yaaa---ddd---uuu---,” He hummed.

I tried to look at below, at his spot. Slightly he moved his body. I was loosening my fingers from around his cheek and hair, when he started to come to his sense, “Miinah…” He gripped my right wrist with his free hand while sitting up on his chair. He stared at me with a blank gaze. “Are… are you… awake already?” He kissed my palm briefly. He still intertwined his left fingers with my left one. “Are… are you… okay, Miinah-ahh?” he started to ruffle my hair. “I… I miss you…” he uttered.

“Du---,”

“Yes, Miinah?” He cut my words, “What do you need?” he asked.

“Nn---uuu---rr---ss---eee.” I said, tried to make my pronunciation right.

“Nurse? You want to meet the nurse? Wait. I’ll call her.” Dujun press the button above my bed. He looked at me; smile brightly, although I could see a sorrow in his eyes. I am sorry, Dujun-ahh. “She will come soon, Miinah.”

I nodded, just right when I realized I did something bad below there. Oh no, I couldn’t hold it. I… I… what should I do?

“Why, Miinah? What happen?” He noticed something happen to me, “Do you need help right now? Say it to me! What do you want?” He said it calmly, yet in forceful way.

“I…, don’t… come… near… me.” I said breathless.

“What happen, Miinah?” He asked.

“I… I… can’t…” right when the nurse burst in to the room.

“What happen?” The nurse and Dujun asked in sync.

“Du--- go out.” I said.

“What happen, miss?” the nurse put her ear right in front of my mouth. I whispered to her. She slightly smiled and nodded.

“Dujun-sshi, will you go out from the room for awhile?” the nurse ordered him, but Dujun was being stubborn.

“What actually happen with her?” He asked.

“I am sorry, but can you cooperate with me?” the nurse politely said it to him, “let’s go out first.” She continued.

“I want to stay by her side, I do not want to go out.” He forced to stay still.

“It just takes for awhile, Dujun-sshi.” She said, still in polite way.

“I want to stay here.” He insisted.

I closed my eyes, and cover them with my right hand, held my tears of embarrassment. “Duujuun…,” I held my breath. I could feel both the nurse and Dujun stopped their conversation, “I have peed.” I said, short.

I opened my eyes, stared at him, and let a tear running on my cheek, “Jebal.” I said, so slowly.

I don’t know that having peed in front of the one you love is something really bad. I don’t know that love can accept this kind of embarrassing moment. I don’t know that love can stand something not beautiful like this. I don’t know that he is so stubborn.

“Nurse, help her. I will sit beside her. I won’t sneak a peek.” He said, back to sit beside me, wiped my tears, “Do not embarrass with me. I am not another person. I am your Dujun.” He pecked my cheek and stared at my face, I just blankly looked at his smiling face. “The nurse can cover it with blanket while change your short. Don’t you, miss?” He turned his head to face the nurse who was blushing now. She nodded. Slightly I smiled. He arched one of his eyebrow, and back to intertwine his fingers with mine.

While the nurse busy changing my shorts with the blanket over my waist down, Dujun whispered to me “I love you” made me tightened my intertwine fingers.

“Since you can’t move around, miss, now what should we do with the bed cover?” The nurse asked more to herself, but happen to let Dujun and I hear.

“I can sit, nurse.” I said, trying to sit back, but it failed.

“You can’t.” Dujun almost yelped seeing my attempt. “I will carry you for awhile and the nurse will pull the bed cover, how is it? Isn’t it good?” he smiled to the nurse.

“I think that is okay.” She said.

Dujun did all the things. I don’t know whether he loves me so much or just slightly feels pity of me. I still don’t know… the truth.

 

-to be continued-

...ketika kamu kehilangan lagi!

Ketika kamu kehilangan lagi, kehilangan teman baik. Dia tahu segala hal tentang kamu, melebihi kedua orang tua mu. Banyak kenangan indah di sana, bahkan sekedar sms dari Dosen Pembimbing Skripsi, belum aku hapus. Tapi, kini teman baik itu telah menghilang, selamanya. Teman baikku, handphone hitam kusam touchscreen yang sudah baret sana-sini yang tidak kalah dengan android jaman sekarang. Belum ada dua belas jam tapi aku sudah merindukannya. Inilah, setelah barang-barang itu menghilang dari sisi kita, betapa kerinduan dan rasa kasih sayang itu menyeruak. Rasa-rasanya baru kemarin aku membiarkannya terjatuh ke lantai, chasing-nya terbuka, dan aku menganggapnya hal biasa. Setelah semua itu tak lagi di sini, hal seperti itu ternyata bukan hal biasa. 

Maafkan aku, yang teledor ini, teman.

Annyeong~

GUYS TALK THAT, DO NOT TAKE WITHOUT PROPER CREDIT!

READ MY BLOG, GONNA TAKE WHAT IS WRITTEN HERE, PLEASE PUT CREDIT, EVEN WITH JUST SLIGHTLY A WORD. THANK YOU.

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 21

[DUJUN]

As I got out from my car, I could feel my heart was beating so fast. This time I need to fight alone, face her dad. I didn’t know what would happen next between us, all I knew now was I did not want to waste my last chance to be by her side. I saw a big gate in front of me, right when a car stopped in front of it. I saw Young Gyu ahjussi on the driver seat, Miinah’s bodyguard. He looked at me, glared to the back seat. There, I saw Miinah’s dad. He looked at me when the gate opened. I thought the car would enter the yard, but I found Miinah’s dad got out from the car and walked toward me made me automatically bowed to him.

“Dujun-sshi, majayo?”

“Ne, cho-yo, aboji.” I said. I did not know what I should say right now. I just stayed still.

“Follow me.” He asked me to follow him enter the car again, as I silently sat beside him on the back seat. “I know why you are here.” He said.

I turned my head to face him. “What do you know aboji?” I asked.

“Miinah.” He said, short. “I know… you love her as much as I love her.” He sighed.

I just nodded when I realized Young Gyu ahjussi drove the car back to the road when Miinah’s dad patted my shoulder, “Let’s meet her, first.” I couldn’t help but kept staring at him, what kind of man he is?

---

[MIINAH]

The nurse said that dad was going home when I opened my eyes. Today how many times I had fallen asleep, I couldn’t remember. Every time I saw blood on my sheet I just couldn’t handle it but fell unconscious. What the hell the doctor and the nurses did actually, they kept inject me with those fucking needles and let me bleed as well. I did not know why my body being weak, like this. Just let me die. Let me.

“Nurse…” I mumbled.

“Yes, miss?” She put her face near me.

“I felt something hurt below my body,” I said, “at my back.” While panting I tried to make every word clear in her ears.

“I will check it, miss.” She slightly turned my back.

“Akkk… be… ca..re..full…” Without realizing it, I shed tears. This hurt me so much.

“Oh my god!” The nurse sounded so shock, and then I could hear she tried to call the doctor in charge. “Doctor, patient named Choi Miinah, bleeding in her back bone.”

“Wh…aaat…?” I uttered breathless.

“Doctor, hurry!” As I heard footsteps came closer to my bed, and hands all over my body, I also heard his voice.

Dujun.

“Miinah!” He was here. No, I do not want him see me like this. I do not want him!

“Doctor…. Don’t let him see me like this…” I tried to say all the words with my last breath. “Don’t let him… jebal…”

“Miinah!” Dujun’s voice echoed these four walls.

“DUJUN-AH!” I screamed with my all efforts I could do, “DON’T COME NEAR ME.” As the light became dim, and dark, I closed my eyes.

---

to be cont

*sorry for the short update kkkk*

Shamelessly Addicted to Caffeine

I do not own the pic

[AUDIO COVER] YOSEOB'S CAFFEINE BY ME

This is my creepy voice LOL

I cover Caffeine just for having some fun

Sorry for ruining the song kekeke^^

The Moment I Miss the Most (with him) 120317

120317 my lovely Dujun right in front of me

I am longing for this boy huhuhu TTTT
-it's already eight months after the BS Jakarta but I still feel the effect-

cr: as tagged 

do not take without proper credit

[MV REVIEW] YANG YOSEOB'S 'CAFFEINE' : IS CAFFEINE BAD?

First of all, I need to calm myself down. I don't know that just now I had watched best MV ever for this year. I mean this one:

Say whaaaaat? Yes, our main vocal now having a solo album with title song: CAFFEINE. And the video above is the MV. How is your reaction? My reaction is........ what more can be better than this? I was kinda late to watch it, like 30 minutes after being released. And my twitter time line flooded by Beauty-s who were going crazy because of this artistic MV. Me too, widened my eyes and my mouth when watching it. God, this is just so beautiful in my eyes. 

Actually I feel so dumb to write this review. Yeah, because I know most of you already have your own interpretations. But, I can't help to write it down what I get from this MV. To be honest I don't know how to start the first words (huaaaa TTTT).

I don't know what happen to me.... (Joker's line ughhh....)

So, all of us here know that this MV is about Yoseob who is betrayed by his girlfriend because she is dating Junhyung (OMG, I can't help but laugh, such lucky girl!). And the girl leaves him alone, and chooses to run to Junhyung. Or, vice versa --well after all in the end they decide to break up. There goes Yoseob alone in his room.

Well, this MV is actually telling us that Yoseob in his room remembering the past. The room is in dim light, he serves himself a cup (or cups) of coffee, and playing lamb figure (doll) with a forest full set (or whatever it is) in a table which there is the photo of him and a girl in a broken frame. While he touches the lamb, the memories of him with the girl appears in the scene. In the past, he supposed to write diary together with the girl, and now he reads the diary all alone. In the past, he supposed to cuddle with the girl while sharing kiss, but now he has been left alone. These scenes direct us to ask: what happen actually between the couple? Meanwhile in my mind: why out of nowhere there are lamb figures there? How can lamb and caffeine placed in the same plate?

Lamb is, you know, that animal, right? But it has another definition as a person who is as innocent as lamb, or the one who is victimized (ardictionary). On the other hand, caffeine is a nervous stimulant usually found in tea or coffee. While the song tells us about:

Cause you’re like caffeine, I can’t fall asleep all night
My heart keeps racing and again, I hate you
Like caffeine, I try to stay away
I try to forget about you but I can’t do it, I can’t help it

 

You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, so bad to me, yeah

It means Yoseob is the innocent one who is being harmed by the girl. Since he is the victim, can you feel how hard being the one who needs to handle all pains together? You can't sleep, you still want her, you still remember her clearly, and your heart keeps racing nervously because of her. You want to forget her but you just can't do it that you can't help but hate her more and more. Just like caffeine, when you consume it once, you just can't stay away from it because you have already addicted. How bad caffeine for your body? It may lock you in a four walls of desperation. You can't help but feel so floaty that you don't even remember you are supposed-to-be-alive-creature. You just don't know where you are actually. Everything on your eyes are just the same. 

The saddest thing is even you know how bad the caffeine is you keep consuming it til death, like what Yoseob does when he throws the cup, can you see how many cups already thrown by him? Look there are so many broken cups on the floor under the mirror. He keeps looking on his reflection but he still can't figure it out what actually happen to him and why it happen to him. 

And when the skull (which means death and mortality) appears in the MV, it has strengthened the idea that Yoseob is none other than a walking dead man. He has already died inside and lost soul. When he decides to take the luggage from the girl, it has significance that he still wants to keep the things (which part of his old memories) with him, but as he slowly dies inside, those things are no longer worth. That's why there's the scene where he, the luggage and also the diary burned.

But, you can't lie to anyone that what is kept in your heart will always be there. Just like him who takes the silver box from the girl, unlock it, open it, take what is inside, and put it on where your heart supposed to be. Like a robot, you take the heart and keep it on your chest forever because everything that has been written there can't be erased easily, and we will always cherish it. You live but you are not alive.

You can't erase love, you can't avoid it although it's so bad to you,  because what had happened in life is still something beautiful you can always cherish.

Even though I hate you like this
When I think about the times we were together, I smile
Maybe I don’t want to forget you
Yes, I don’t want to forget you
I want to cherish you

Indeed, what a beautiful song and artistic MV. I love it so much. Let's support our boys more, now and ever.

TAKE WITH PROPER CREDIT

'INSPIRED BY BISETEU-FAMILY' IS BETTER

THANK YOU

p.s. hella damn nice dancing moves! the dancers baddasss! prepix daebak! and the floating scene I can't help but went O_O speechless kekekek. Besides, I also love the coffee-feel U.U and I am sorry for the bad review TTTT