FREEDOM

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 7

  

“Ahh, hyung, let’s have dinner with Dujunie-hyung.” Dongwoon said to Junhyung when I closed the door. We had finished practice. Yeah, today was July 4.

“Ahh, Dujunie, mian, I can’t.” I saw Junhyung packed his stuff to his bag. “I need to go to somewhere else.” He said.

“Go to Hara’s house?” Hyunseung’s question made the whole room freeze.

“Hyaa, what you say?” Yoseob kicked Hyunseung’s butt, “Sst.. It’s already half of year. How could you…?”

“Ahh, mian.” Hyunseung tried to hug Junhyung, “I forgot you have …”

“Hyaa, just stop talking, will you?” now Kikwang dragged Hyunseung out and asked him to sit beside him. “Oh well, Dujunie, what should we eat tonight?” he asked.

“Guys, do you still need to celebrate my birthday?” I asked while stepping closer to Junhyung. He looked busy with his stuff. Where would he go? He had broken up with Hara six months ago and never visited that house again. Yeah, that Hara’s house was near our agency office. Sometimes I saw the light turned on, but there was no Junhyung there anymore. “Hya, Junhyung-ahh, odiga?” I asked. At least as a leader I need to know what my member did.

“It’s not something important, Dujun-ahh. Can I skip today’s celebration?” he asked while being ready with his stuffs and his car key in his hand. “I do really need to go somewhere else.” He said, begging.

“Ehm, you may.” I said, “Guys, let him go, okay?” the boys nodded, “then let’s go, I’m going to treat you all.” I dragged Yoseob on my hand.

“Annyeong.” Junhyung walked out from room when Hyunseung started asking randomly again, “Do you think where he will go? I don’t think he will go to studio. Where do you think he will go?” then Kikwang patted his back, “Hyaa, stop! Can’t you?” On other side, Dongwoon and Yoseob laughed so hard.

Oh well, Miinah-ahh how are you? Is your day going well? It has already a year you leave me… don’t you even miss me?

 I miss you like crazy, always, everyday.

Can’t you back to me…

---

“Today you did go there?” Yoseob ate the meat while asking me a very not good question. “You have done it for a year already, Dujun-ahh. Don’t you feel tired?”

“I went there. And it’s still empty.” I said while drinking my soju. “It’s a year already and I can’t even find her. Her blog closed. She changed her phone’s number. Wae, yoseobie? Wae?” I drank a glass of soju again.

“Ahh, hyung… keumanaee… jebal… stop drinking.” Dongwoon tried to take my glass. But he failed; I poured soju into it again. “Ahh hyuuuuuung…” Dongwoon saw me with a pitiful look.

“Let him be.” Said Hyunseung. Yoseob looked at him, followed by Dongwoon. “At least let him throw up all his problems. Today is his birthday.” He said again. Yoseob looked at him, followed by Dongwoon again.

“Ahh hyung… are you drunk?” Dongwoon patted his cheek.

“What? Me? Of course not, you crazy boy!” Said Hyunseung while trying to hit Dongwoon’s forehead. Yoseob laughed, followed by me.

Those three boys got silent.

“Wae? Mwo?” I said, okay, I was so drunk now, I couldn’t think properly.

“Ahh… guys… jebal stop playing around.” All of us looked at the owner’s voice. It is Kikwang’s voice. “Ahh, Dujunie.. let’s drink til drunk!” he tossed his glass to my glass.

“You have been so drunk, hyaa baboyaaa.” Yoseob patted Kikwang’s butt.

We all ended up laughing so hard together.

Thank you God, I still have these boys to lean on.

---

I watched the TV when I heard the ‘click’ from the front door. It must be Junhyungie. I saw his silhouette. “Junhyungie?” I could smell alcohol from my mouth. I should sleep right now after drinking bottles of soju, but I just couldn’t. The other boys had slept an hour ago.

“Dujunie…? You still awake?” He entered the living room, “what you doing here? Uh… you smell... You got drunk… right?” he sat beside me.

“I can’t sleep.” I said, “Where did you go?” I asked. I smelled something very familiar from Junhyung’s jacket. “You… you meet a girl?” I asked. “The scent is like…”

“Ahh, Dujun-ahh, you are drunk. Stop talking nonsense and go sleep!” He stood up and walked to his room, “I’m going to sleep. Annyeong.” He closed his room. “OH NO KIKWANG-AHH THE ROOM SMELLS LIKE SOJU EVERYWHERE, YOU BABOYAAAAA!”

I laughed on my seat, hearing Junhyung’s screaming. This boy is... really… a kid.

---

After finishing my entire schedule, I sat here, alone, Miinah-ahh. Why I keep missing you? Why I can’t stop this feeling? Why I keep coming to this café? Are you the reason of all this? Can’t you just appear once in front of my face?

Hanbonman… jebal… dorawa…

I plugged my headset to my smart phone and started to listen to Phantom’s hole in your face.

I miss us, you and me, so much, but

Why-

You keep further, and further away…

Your face must hurt and acquiring a hole,

Because I stare at your picture all day long…

I sighed, drank my coffee.

Whenever I call

Pick the phone

Don’t ask me to disappear

I saw the street in front of the café. I saw a skinny girl with a black skirt and white t-shirt walked fast in her umbrella. Nowadays Seoul had been poured by rain. And today it was pretty hard. That girl stopped in front of the café. I couldn’t see her face, but I happened to see her hat. It was red. 

Are you listening?

I miss us, you and me, so much, but

Why-

You keep further, and further away…

She walks away…

Walks away…

“Oeoseo oeoseoyoooo.” The girl entered the café. She put her umbrella and sat in the corner of café. I didn’t know why, I kept staring at her. She ordered something. I saw the waitress back brought a glass of cola. I smiled by myself. Miinah-ahh, look, you have friend here. Who will order cola in a café like this? Only you. 

I must be zoning out again…

“Diiiin Diiiin.” I heard a clack sound. It is from a car which is parked in front of the café just now. That car… isn’t that Junhyungie’s? I got shocked for seconds.

Then, I saw that hat red-girl stood up, walked fast, and ran to Junhyung’s car. I couldn’t think properly. I didn’t know with what I saw just now. I couldn’t see her face. So, I didn’t know who she was. She was not Hara. No, Hara must be recognized easily by the waitress here. Who was she?

I look at you… and in the end it’s still you, baby girl…

---

HOLE IN YOUR FACE

PHANTOM

* Are you listening? I miss you and me so much but
Why do you keep getting farther away? I'm zoning out again
Your face must be getting pierced, it must be getting a hole
Because I look at your picture all day baby girl
Your face must be getting pierced, it must be getting a hole
I look at you and in the end, it's still you baby girl

I only stare at your picture everyday
To the point where a hole might form
I still hate you - can't you give the slightest interest
To my changed life? Is this me being selfish too?
Look at me please, my heart is crumbling
No my heart is piercing

* repeat

It's gonna long time baby -
Autumn, winter and spring again since I've only looked at you
I don't know what to do
Please pick up the phone - don't tell me to disappear

It's not easy to be clingy -
My heart is festering boils, it's bleeding
Please don't do this - it's not time to break up yet
I thought we'd realize everything if we were in love

watch the MV with engsub here: hole in your face - phantom

---

[to be continued]


read part 1-6 here:
IDKL 1-6

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 6

 

“That’s really a nice movie, isn’t it, Dujun-ahh?” I said. We already moved to the other place after finishing watched the movie.

“I don’t really watch…,” he said while eating his waffle.

“Mwo? We were there just now to watch movie, Dujun-ahh.” I said, “What were you doing then all the time?” I continued asking.

“Hugged you.” He said easily.

I coughed, “Uhuk…. What you….,” I drank my cola.

“I said, stop drinking that! You never listen to me.” He said while taking my cola.

“Oh wae? Why you change the topic?” I giggled. He gave me his ice tea. “Give me back my cola.”

“Andwe.” He said, without expression, “I’m going to drink it. I don’t remember when you start looking just like Junhyungie.” He drank my cola. “Uhh, not so nice.” He said.

“Don’t change the topic to Junhyungie. I don’t know what you want to say exactly.” I sighed, “Don’t get so exaggerated of being jealous over Junhyungie. He is your friend…,” I said.

“Oh well… I won’t.” He said. “Eat it.” He gave me the waffle. “It’s already twilight.” He said, “thank you for today.”

“No… I should be the one who say thank you, Dujun-ahh.” I said, ate the waffle, “hmm, it’s nice.” The waffle was so smooth, melt perfectly in my mouth, “by the way, this café is not bad.” I said while looking all over the café. This café was a cafe beside unnie’s movie café. It had unique interior and had a lovely atmosphere. It was sweet enough for dating couple.

“Right, hmm? This café is good.” He said. “Nuna recommended it to me.”

“Hmm…” I nodded. “Dujun-ahh….”

“Hmm?” He looked at me.

“Let’s eat something nice. I’m going to cook it for you.” I said. “Let’s buy some ingredients and go to your apartment.”

“Haa?” He looked surprised. “It’s not like the usual you.” He said, “Are you okay? He continued.

“Mwo?” I sighed. “Not the usual me? What does that mean?”

“My apartment,” He finished drinking my cola. “You never want to go to my apartment.”

“Oh… that’s… just…” I thought something to answer him, but… “Just, kajaaaa….” I said.

“Ehmmmm? You are not hurting your head, uh?” I held his hand and moved toward his car which was parked in front of the café.

---

“Haha… that’s crazy, right?” I said while laughing so hard, “that girl recognized you. He knew you!” I saw a little girl in front of the grocery store, maybe still in her eighth grade, starred at Dujun’s car. “She follows us.”

“Haha… I am so famous you know… isn’t that great?” He said while turned on the engine. “I wear black glasses and hat thou. She must be my fans.”

“The hardcore one. Made me feel uneasy choosing ingredients at grocery store.” I said while looking at our goods. “I am going to cook something nice. Do you like pasta, right?” I took a box of pasta.

“You do the simple one.” He giggled.

“Mwo?” I tickled him.

“Ahh… hyaa Miinah-ahh, stop it! I’m driving right now….” He said, giving a serious face.

“Ahh… yes, sorry.” I laughed. “Whatever… lalala… I’m going to feed you.”

“Feed?” He asked, “Am I a camel or chicken that you need to feed me?”

“No. Because you need to be fed! Look, you are so thin. You don’t know that your fans feel so worried seeing you so thin.” I sighed, “So before anyone else does it for you, I’ll be the first.”

“You did feed me, French toast every morning.” He said.

“That’s just… ehm… a breakfast. That can’t be said as feeding you.” I said made him laugh.

“Oh okay I see, thank you, Miinah-ahh.” Both of us laughed.

At least, let me do it.

Let me do it, God.

---

“Welcome to the jungle.” He said. “They have missed you so much. For months they didn’t meet you.” He took the groceries and put it on the kitchen. “Especially this kitchen missed the scent of your French toast.”

“What are you…? Do not seduce me!” I said while patted his butt. “Go there watching the TV, I will cook for you.” I wear the apron, “wow this apron is the one I bought last year, you keep it all this time.” Yes, the apron with the skull pattern I bought with him when he bought this apartment last year.

“Of course. Only girl like you bought apron with skulls on it… tsk.” He said while turned on the TV. “I’m going to watch TV, and call me when the dinner ready.”

“Yes, bosseu.” I said while chopping the meat.

---

“Let’s eat.” I saw him smiling at my very ordinary pasta I ever made. “It looks delicious.” He continued.

“Let’s pray first.” I said, “God, thank you for giving us this food. God, thank you for giving me someone I can have dinner with. I do not want anything, I just want that we can do it for the rest of our live.” What I said? What my mouth said? I couldn’t control it. I’m sorry Dujun-ahh.

I looked at him who starring at me with unpredictable face.

“Ehm… let’s eat.” He said while wiped his eyes.

“Are you crying?” I asked. “Dujun-ahh? Did my words too…,”

“No. Thank you, Miinah-ahh. Thank you for making me as the most precious person in this world.”  He slightly touched my hand, and put the pasta into his mouth.

“Thank you too for always having a faith in me. I love you.” I said. “Let’s eat. Is it nice, right?”

“Yeps, It’s delicious.” He ate it with happy face, “Miinah-ahh, I love you too.”

“Hyaaah, Dujun-ahh, can you count how many ‘I love you I love you’ words we said today?” I laughed. Not like the other days, today we said ‘I love you’ to each other like a hundred times. It had a feeling that we gonna be separate away.

---

“Let’s watch something funny today!” I said while taking the remote control.

“Hoooahhh, I’m so full.” Dujun touched his stomach. “I’m a fatty ahjushii now.” He sat beside me in the sofa, “And you are Yoon ahjumma.” He laughed while kissed my cheek.

“Hyaaa… mwo…? I’m not going to be an ahjumma..! I’ll be forever a young Miinah.” I watched the TV. It was Running Man, “just like her, Jihyo unnie, going to be like her even in my thirty.” I said.

“Miinah-ahh, when you are going to be a halmonie, don’t you think I’m going to be a harabojie too? Then, whatever your look gonna be, I will always stay by your side.” Dujun said, suddenly in a serious tone.

“What…” I couldn’t say anything. “Ne, harabojie.” I hugged him for awhile, then back watching the TV.

“By the way, Miinah, let’s watch another program.” He said while trying to take the remote control from my hands.

“Let’s watch this one!” I said, hiding the remote control behind my back.

“Hyaaah, give me the remote.” He said while busy looking at my back, he hugged me while trying to take the remote behind my back. I could smell his very warm perfume. Yes, I always felt that his perfume was so warm. Warm to hold me, touch me, just like a shampoo, the scent was all over my body.

“Dujun-ahh.” The remote fell from my hand, “You…”

“Hmm, Miinah-ahh?” He still tried to take the remote.

“Your scent is so …,” I held my breath, “warm.” I hugged him, touched his back with my hands.

I could hear the remote was falling from his hand. And Jae Suk’s voice invaded the room. Both of us stayed still and didn’t even make any noise.

I unclosed my hug. I looked at his face. He looked at my face.

“And your scent is like a drug…,” he said, “Miinah-ahh, I can’t live without the presence of your scent.” He touched my neck.

“Don’t say something like that.” I said, “Consume a drug can make you addicted.” I continued, “that’s not good. Not good. For us.” I touched his chest while looking below, to the white sofa.

“Do not cry, now.” He said, “Look at my face.” He said again, “Why must we feel this kind of feeling… right now.”

I looked at him. My tears started to fall. He looked at me. He touched the tears, wiped it, and kissed the corner of my eyes.

We were both in silence.

“Today, there’s a couple spotted in the XXX Zoo, while some fans spotted them in a grocery too near Cheongdam-dong.” I looked at the TV, the news made me back to reality. “From the fans’ photo that they took today, the boy is Yoon Dujun from BEAST.” Dujun looked at the TV too.

Both of us looked at each other.

“And the girl who was beside him was the girl from the previous rumor.” The news continued wilder. I couldn’t believe what I saw right now.

“Dujun-ahh.” I whispered, “What we gonna do…,”

Dujun touched my cheeks with his both warm hands. “Miinah-ahh, I love you.” He kissed my lips so deeply. I got rather shocked while my tears started to shed. I closed my eyes and felt his love digging so deeply into my heart.

---

[DUJUN]

“Miinah-ahh, I love you….” I wanted to touch her more. She was with me, beside me, all this night. I did not want her to think about that silly news. That was why I did it all. To make her feel secure, I needed to do it.

“Trrriiing…” My phone rang.

“Ne yeobeoseoyo…” I said while opened my eyes, “ah hyung, ne, waeyo?” Sehun hyung on the phone. “I knew it already.” I said while sitting and trying to find Miinah. I looked at the bed beside me, she was not there. Where did she go? “Hyung, I’ll call you later.” I hung the phone. I woke up from my bed and ran to the living room. She was not there. She was not in the bathroom too.

“The kitchen.” I whispered to myself. I didn’t find her too. But… I found my table full of food, and seaweed soup. “Don’t say….” I trembled. I touched the table when I saw a note on a plate.

I couldn’t… I didn’t want… to read it.

Miinah-ahh, how could you…

How could you do this to me…?

Dujun-ahh, thank you for loving me all this time.

Today is July 4, saengil chukae.

I LOVE YOU.

Choi Miinah

---

[to be continued]

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 5

RATE: 17+

“Why do you want to come to the zoo today?” I asked when we took a rest in a café inside the zoo. I drank a glass of cola.

“Can’t you stop drinking that?” He pointed at my glass while drinking his ice coffee in front of me.

“Oh wae? It’s nice, you know.” I kept drinking it when I saw a little boy ran to us.

“You look more like Junhyungie.” He said without paying attention at my reaction.

“Whatever…” I said, really didn’t care anymore with that Junhyungie thingy.

I didn’t realize that the little boy had already stood in front of me. He looked at me. I looked at him. I stopped drinking my cola. I bowed to him, “Annyeong, what happen?” I asked.

“Uhmmm… nuna, nuna, may I give you this?” he asked while giving me a candy.

“Why you give your candy to this nuna?” suddenly Dujun asked him too. He looked so curious.

“Ehmm… hyung, is she your girlfriend?” the little boy asked.

Dujun nodded right away.

Babo Duj, even with a little boy, he wouldn’t get lost. Tsk.

“Yahh… I like this nuna…,” the little boy sighed. I held my laugh.

“Why do you like her?” asked Dujun again.

“You don’t know why? Look, nuna is pretty.” He answered, “That’s simple hyung, to like nuna, because she is pretty.”

Dujun laughed. I patted his back. “Ssst.” I whispered.

“Thank you.” I said, “Ireumi mwo e yo?” I asked.

“Duna, nuna. My name is Duna.”He answered.

“Oh Duna-ahh, gomawoyoooo~. Nuna will eat it.” I ruffled his hair.

“Ne, nuna! Hehehe, I will grow fast, and marry you.” He said while running over to his parents who sat on the bench in front of the giraffe place.

Dujun looked taken aback.

“Tsk, that little boy, how dare to….” He said while glancing at me. “Pretty? Huh, which part?” he looked at my face, “not pretty, ugly one.”

“Bhuuuuu.” I didn’t care and ate the candy.

“Don’t eat…” He said, “yaaaah… why you eat that?”

“Wae? Wae? He is just a little boy!” I said while laughing so hard. “Are you jealous?”

“It’s not… like that… uhmm…” he coughed, “he is still a man.”

“Going to be...” I said.

“But still…” he said.

“Hahahaha… you are the child then.” I laughed while hugging his arm and asked him to have a sight-seeing around the zoo again.

---

“Do you really take a day off today?” I asked him while playing with birds.

“Ehmm… yups.” He answered, “We don’t have any activity today.” He said.

“Good then. Let’s watch movie.” I said.

“What movie do you want to watch?” He asked.

“Just something good will be done. Let’s watch at unnie’s place.” I said, “hmm, Dujun-ahh? Call?” I begged.

“Wae? Suddenly, nuna’s place?” he asked, curious.

“What do you think?”

“I don’t have any idea.” He said.

“Pay me by giving your heart this once.” I said while giggled.

“Oh. That was three years ago, hyaaa, that was so long, Miinah-ahh.” He said.

“Let’s go.” I said.

I need your companion…

Today, company me…

Show me your heart…

---

We sat on the bed in this medium room while the TV played ‘Sunny’, the recent popular movie. After we were chatting for awhile with unnie who had already married last month, we took our shoes, threw it, and sat on the bed while laughing at each other. It did really bring the old memory.

“Oh, you haven’t answered me, bosseu.” I said. “Why did you choose zoo?”

“Oh, just I like zoo.” He said while looking at Kang Sora who acted as the main cast on ‘Sunny’.

“Hmm…, that’s it.” I sighed and took a pillow, and slept on bed. “I’m lying down, OK? Feels like sleeping.” Yes, I felt so tired.

“You need to watch the movie, Miinah-ahh.” He said, “Why are you here if you are going to sleep?” he asked while patted my hand.

“I’m going to watch while lying. OK?” I said while tickling him, “don’t be so serious.”

“Hahaha… I’m sorry, many things happen, and I don’t want to waste this precious time.” He said. “I’m going to lay beside you then.” He took the pillow, and lying beside me.

He held my hand. Touch my fingers. It had electrifying feeling. I felt my body got so warm.

“I want to go to the zoo with our future family.” He said while his eyes kept watching the big screen TV.

“Ehmm….” I said, “then?”

“We gonna have two children.” He said.

“Ehmm….”

“I’m going to piggyback the older one, a son, an oppa for our younger daughter.” He started imagining the future. I giggled. “The older one is going to be like that little Duna back then. Let’s make Duna as our son’s name.” He said, looked so much happy.

I kissed his cheek.

“Thank you, Dujun-ahh, for loving me, like this.”

He moved his hand; he pulled my body near him. He hugged me.

“Will you stay like this forever?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” I said.

“Why?” He asked.

“I don’t know how long it will last.” I whispered to his chest. Perhaps he didn’t hear me.

“Let’s make it last forever, Miinah-ahh, oh?” He hugged me more tightly.

“Just accompany me tonight, that’s more than enough, Dujun-ahh.” I said.

“I will.” He said. “I will take you to wherever you want to go.”

“Thank you. Just stay like this.” I held my tears to not fall down. “I love you.”

“I love you…,” he held his breath, “too.”

I didn’t need that last forever stuff, Dujun-ahh. What I need were you by my side now.

Then… like really… thank you…

For...

Showing your heart...

---

[to be continued]


READ OTHER PARTS HERE: 
IDKL part 1 | IDKL part 2 | IDKL part 3 | IDKL part 4