RATE: 17+
It was late. It
was already midnight. But my eyes still opened widely. I couldn’t count the stars
because it was raining outside. I opened my window, let the sound of rain
flooded my room. I missed that person so bad. I looked at the clock, 12 pm. It
was a real midnight. What that person doing right now, I kept asking myself. He
didn’t even give me a call today. That person was a foolish. He didn’t know how
much I was starving wanted to meet him.
“Ding dong!” the
bell door rang. I got shock for seconds. Then, probably that was that person,
I ran happily to the door. And yes, that was that person. I opened the door
with trembling hands. I felt so nervous and happy at the same time.
“Hi.” He said
while walking entered my room. He sat in the sofa and put his bag in the floor.
He closed his eyes while sighing. I still couldn’t move from where I stood now.
The feeling saw him like that was so amazing, yet painful. He had to be very
tired, now. Like really. I wanted to hug him and help him to release stress.
But that person seemed busy enough with his thought. “Hi, why are you still
standing there?” he opened his eyes, looked at me, and gave me a hand sign to
sit beside him.
“Ah, wait.” I
closed the door and tried to smile widely. If that person was in a very tired
mode on now, I shouldn’t look pitiful too. I walked toward him. He gave me
space in the sofa and smiled at me. How could you smile right now? I just kept
wondering, he was not a human. The tired mode on was all over his face, but still
he smiled. “Have you had dinner?” I asked. He nodded. “Good then.” I sat beside
him.
“It’s raining
hard outside.” He said while paying attention at my fingers, oh no, he saw my
fingers. God bless me. How could I was this foolish. Oh, andwae. “Wait. What happen with your fingers?” He asked. Ah, hell,
what should I say?
“Nothing, I just
got it cut just now because I couldn’t properly peel the apple.” I answered
quickly while hiding my fingers fast. “Oh, yes, I remember, I found something on
this fan site. You look so much fun, boss!” I ran to my laptop and brought it
to him. “Look, it was you, you bosseuuu,
bosseuuu, look! Haha… your fans are
crazy, they could take this kind of photo. Haha. Admit it, even you don’t know
that you had once posed like that, right? Is it right, bosseeeuu?” I was laughing when looked at that fan taken photo
where he posed like a boss in stage. Yet, funny, he never acted like a boss in
front of me. Not in my room, at least. “But, where is your bracelet?” this was
my point actually.
He stopped
smiling and looked at my face. “Ah, mian,
I left it in dorm this morning. I must be in hurry. Mian, okay?” He took my hand and touched my cut fingers. “You
should be more careful, your fingers are everything. Don’t get it cut again,
okay?” I nodded. “So, all the day you just starring at that laptop and browsing
the fan site and saving my photos?” he laughed so loudly, “although we can
always meet at any time?” he ruffled my hair.
Yes, that what I
did all this day. You just didn’t know how tiring it was to be with you.
“Yah, don’t
laugh. Wae? Shireo? I like it.” I
said while standing put aside his hand from my head.
“Yah, where will
you go?” he yelled at me. And I just smirked, went to kitchen. “Yah, yah,
Miinah, neo!” he yelled more loudly.
I laughed. His yelling is best.
“Wait, I take
you the apple juice I made just now. Wa..,” Before I opened the refrigerator, I
could feel a warm body in my back and two hands lingered my neck, “…it.” I
couldn’t continue my word, couldn’t take a breath, and stayed still with my
right hand in the refrigerator door. I could feel his breathing in my neck, and
his heart beating in my back. He was just too close. Too close to my heart.
“Stay still…” he
said, “just for a moment.”
I nodded.
“Is there
something happened?” I asked. I worried him. Yes, like always worried him is my
job.
“Sst. At this
kind of time, you should keep silent. Don’t talk.” He hugged me more tightly. I
held his hands with my cold fingers. Ah, why must today my fingers got so cold?
I was frustrated by myself when he said “Tonight, I will sleep here.”
I held my breath
and nodded after that. “Yes, you may.” I closed my eyes and felt our heart beat
sound had replaced the sound of rain which flooded my room just now. We were
standing closely in the kitchen, in front of the refrigerator. He hugged me so
close and didn’t even talk. He did exactly the same two months ago when he
stressed over the album recording.
And now what was
it about?
---
“Dujunie.
Dujunie.” I touched his hand. He didn’t even move. He just made the ‘ehm ehm’
sound. I smiled. Looked at his bare face and the mess hair of his were the
best. I touched his eyebrows, nose, cheek, sideburn, and lips softly. How lovely
my man was. He was just this ordinary but really a cool person when on stage. I
kissed his cheek, just a second, and going to down from bed when a hand held my
right hand. I turned back and found him smiling while opened his eyes, “Morning.”
He said.
“Ehm, morning, bosseu! Now, you wake up?” I looked at
his face while poking his nose. He caught my hands and embraced me into his
chest, still laying in the bed. “Aw, bosseu,
it hurts, you know.” I said while punching his chest. He laughed. “Are you
hungry? I was about to cook French toast just now so you know. But why you woke
up?” I said when he stroking my hair.
“For a moment,
please.” He kept stroking my hair. And I stayed still in his embrace. I could
feel his heart beat. It was not in full speed. But it was not slowly either. It
was just so normal. Meanwhile, in this condition my heart was really in a mess.
“What time is it?” he asked finally.
“Nine.” I said, “Don’t
you think you are running late for the fan meeting event?” I looked at him. He
looked at my eyes. Then he moved the gaze to the roof.
“I don’t care.
Let them wait for me. Just for a moment, I want be with you.” He said. I
coughed.
“Hya, we already
had a night together. What’s the matter? Is there something wrong?” I tried to
sit but he held me. “You didn’t say a single word last night. Ehmm, what had
happened Dujunie?” I asked.
He woke up and
sat in the bed. I sat beside him. He looked at me. “You are like Junhyungie
nagging too much. Ara?” I opened my
eyes widely, “Mwo?” I was going to
nag more when in sudden his lips touched mine. While kissing me, he said “This
lips need to learn.”
---
Dujun had gone. Yeah,
he went to his fans’ embraces. I just had a night to hug him but he went all
the way to his fans. He didn’t care how tired he was, he always put smile on
his face. He did the same to me, but he could always freely express his tiredness.
I kept looking at his back when he walked leaving me alone in my room. I sat in
the dining room, stared at the leftover French toast. I could scent his perfume
all over the room.
Today gonna be a
long day again, waiting him to call me, text me, or meet me.
It’s hard to be
with you. I said this for million times now. Sorry.
---
“Nuna, thank you for kimchi you sent to the dorm.” I could hear Dongwoon’s voice through
my cell phone. He was always cheerful. “It’s very tasty. We have planned to eat
it every day.” I laughed so hard when I could hear some random sounds in his
back, like “Hyaa, give me my hand phone!” that must be Dujunie. Or Junhyungie: “Hyaa
hyaa Dongwoonie gives back the phone!” or Seob’s: “Give me the hand phone, me
too want to talk with Miinah.” I couldn’t hear Hyunseung. He must be busy with
his own life. And Kikwang too, he must be recording Win-Win now.
I could feel at
ease after hearing their sounds like this. It meant Dujun would never feel
lonely by himself. He had five good boys around him.
“Oh, Miinah.” Now,
it was Dujun’s voice. “Now I’m alone, in my room. Thank you for kimchi you
sent. The kids like it so much.”
“Ah aniya. Your
dorm quite noisy, bosseu.” I said while turning on my television. “How is your
day?” I asked.
“Good. We had
done all the schedule, and now resting. Only Kikwang still recording Win-Win.”
He said while lying on bed. I could hear the cracking wood.
“Are you lying
on bed, right?” I asked.
“How do you find
out?” He asked. “Smart girl, as always.”
“Hmm…”
“What’s with the
‘hmmm’?” he asked. “Miinah-ah….”
“Yes?”
“I miss you.”
Silent. Then we
kept silent for some minutes.
“Are you there?”
he asked.
I kept silent.
“You sleep
already?” he asked, sounded worry.
“Dujunie…” I
whispered.
“Oh, Miinah-ah.
I thought you sleep.”
“Turn on the
television now. Quickly!” I said in panicking. I just saw my photo on
television screen. It was so big made my eyes hurt and beside my photo was
Dujun’s. The news about ‘Who is Dujun’s girlfriend?’. I couldn’t breathe. And
went blank.
“What happen,
Miinah-ah?” I could hear Dujun’s foot step and the ‘click’ sound after he sat
in the sofa while the other members start asking “Wae hyung?” or “Something
happen, Dujun-ah?” or “Why in hurry, is there any important news?” and suddenly
it went so silent. Like really.
“Dujun-ah, have
you watched?” I asked. Hope my voice was in normal tone. But nope, I was in
panicking. I couldn’t think properly.
“O.. o oh. I
have.” He took a breath. “I’m going to your apartment.”
“Hyung, andwae…”
I heard Dongwoon’s voice, “Sehun hyung had texted me, many reporters already
come to in front of our dorm.”
“Dujun-ahh. You
stay still there. I will be okay here.” I lied. I held my tears not to fall. “Until
the reporters had gone, you may come here. But just not now. Or we gonna be in
a mess.” I said.
“Miinah-ahh, I’m
sorry.”
“No, no, it’s
okay. Okay, bosseu…” I said. Once again lied. “Hang up.” I cut the phone
connection.
I sat on the
floor, watching my face appeared on television was so weird. That was not the
problem. The matter was how Dujun would let this problem out. Once again, I
troubled him.
I cried.
I cried to all
content of my heart.
---
[to be continued - in the middle of writing]
