[AUDIO COVER] YOSEOB'S CAFFEINE BY ME

This is my creepy voice LOL

I cover Caffeine just for having some fun

Sorry for ruining the song kekeke^^

The Moment I Miss the Most (with him) 120317

120317 my lovely Dujun right in front of me

I am longing for this boy huhuhu TTTT
-it's already eight months after the BS Jakarta but I still feel the effect-

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[MV REVIEW] YANG YOSEOB'S 'CAFFEINE' : IS CAFFEINE BAD?

First of all, I need to calm myself down. I don't know that just now I had watched best MV ever for this year. I mean this one:

Say whaaaaat? Yes, our main vocal now having a solo album with title song: CAFFEINE. And the video above is the MV. How is your reaction? My reaction is........ what more can be better than this? I was kinda late to watch it, like 30 minutes after being released. And my twitter time line flooded by Beauty-s who were going crazy because of this artistic MV. Me too, widened my eyes and my mouth when watching it. God, this is just so beautiful in my eyes. 

Actually I feel so dumb to write this review. Yeah, because I know most of you already have your own interpretations. But, I can't help to write it down what I get from this MV. To be honest I don't know how to start the first words (huaaaa TTTT).

I don't know what happen to me.... (Joker's line ughhh....)

So, all of us here know that this MV is about Yoseob who is betrayed by his girlfriend because she is dating Junhyung (OMG, I can't help but laugh, such lucky girl!). And the girl leaves him alone, and chooses to run to Junhyung. Or, vice versa --well after all in the end they decide to break up. There goes Yoseob alone in his room.

Well, this MV is actually telling us that Yoseob in his room remembering the past. The room is in dim light, he serves himself a cup (or cups) of coffee, and playing lamb figure (doll) with a forest full set (or whatever it is) in a table which there is the photo of him and a girl in a broken frame. While he touches the lamb, the memories of him with the girl appears in the scene. In the past, he supposed to write diary together with the girl, and now he reads the diary all alone. In the past, he supposed to cuddle with the girl while sharing kiss, but now he has been left alone. These scenes direct us to ask: what happen actually between the couple? Meanwhile in my mind: why out of nowhere there are lamb figures there? How can lamb and caffeine placed in the same plate?

Lamb is, you know, that animal, right? But it has another definition as a person who is as innocent as lamb, or the one who is victimized (ardictionary). On the other hand, caffeine is a nervous stimulant usually found in tea or coffee. While the song tells us about:

Cause you’re like caffeine, I can’t fall asleep all night
My heart keeps racing and again, I hate you
Like caffeine, I try to stay away
I try to forget about you but I can’t do it, I can’t help it

 

You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, so bad to me, yeah

It means Yoseob is the innocent one who is being harmed by the girl. Since he is the victim, can you feel how hard being the one who needs to handle all pains together? You can't sleep, you still want her, you still remember her clearly, and your heart keeps racing nervously because of her. You want to forget her but you just can't do it that you can't help but hate her more and more. Just like caffeine, when you consume it once, you just can't stay away from it because you have already addicted. How bad caffeine for your body? It may lock you in a four walls of desperation. You can't help but feel so floaty that you don't even remember you are supposed-to-be-alive-creature. You just don't know where you are actually. Everything on your eyes are just the same. 

The saddest thing is even you know how bad the caffeine is you keep consuming it til death, like what Yoseob does when he throws the cup, can you see how many cups already thrown by him? Look there are so many broken cups on the floor under the mirror. He keeps looking on his reflection but he still can't figure it out what actually happen to him and why it happen to him. 

And when the skull (which means death and mortality) appears in the MV, it has strengthened the idea that Yoseob is none other than a walking dead man. He has already died inside and lost soul. When he decides to take the luggage from the girl, it has significance that he still wants to keep the things (which part of his old memories) with him, but as he slowly dies inside, those things are no longer worth. That's why there's the scene where he, the luggage and also the diary burned.

But, you can't lie to anyone that what is kept in your heart will always be there. Just like him who takes the silver box from the girl, unlock it, open it, take what is inside, and put it on where your heart supposed to be. Like a robot, you take the heart and keep it on your chest forever because everything that has been written there can't be erased easily, and we will always cherish it. You live but you are not alive.

You can't erase love, you can't avoid it although it's so bad to you,  because what had happened in life is still something beautiful you can always cherish.

Even though I hate you like this
When I think about the times we were together, I smile
Maybe I don’t want to forget you
Yes, I don’t want to forget you
I want to cherish you

Indeed, what a beautiful song and artistic MV. I love it so much. Let's support our boys more, now and ever.

TAKE WITH PROPER CREDIT

'INSPIRED BY BISETEU-FAMILY' IS BETTER

THANK YOU

p.s. hella damn nice dancing moves! the dancers baddasss! prepix daebak! and the floating scene I can't help but went O_O speechless kekekek. Besides, I also love the coffee-feel U.U and I am sorry for the bad review TTTT 

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 20

[MIINAH 2 months ago]

It was a rainy day in LA. I sat on my couch while surfing to the internet. I dropped by on one of his site. My eyes fully widened when I saw his photo with his artist friend. I read the name: Heo… Ga… Yoon. This girl… I had seen her in his agency before. Was she that girl from that 4minute girl group? I didn’t really follow the development of boy group and girl group, but because my lover was in it, I must at least know the industry.

Guys, our oppa spotted with unnie, having a nice chat in a café… huuuuhuuuu TTTTT *broken hearted sobs sobssssss - 01

I giggled.

I couldn’t help but commit suicide rite now huhuhuu oppa don’t do that TTTTT - 03

I laughed.

Back then he was with 'that girl'… where has she gone? Twice their rumors hit us. Remember? – 05

I gulped down my own bitter saliva. That was me the one she refers to. I couldn’t help but laugh once again. I turned my head to the photos in the wall. I saw his smiling faces. My wall fulfilled by his photos. I smiled bitterly. I would be back to Seoul and holding the exhibition there. I promise you, Yoon Dujun. I could do it.

“Deng Dong”

The bell door rang. I ran to the front door. I smiled widely probably that was the package I had ordered which was new album of BEAST. I ran toward the stairs happily. I didn’t know the floor was slippery, and for a second I had slipped with the mat, and fell from the second floor, my body rolled on the stairs until I felt my body ached so much as I felt the cold floor at my back.

“Aakk…” I mumbled.

“Agassshiiii….” I could hear the very voice of Young Gyu ahjusshi before I shut my eyes off.

I closed my eyes. I sighed. That day onward I spent my days at hospital like a fool. My body ached so bad that I couldn’t even feel alive. I got the transfusion at the first week, I accepted it. But, the next day, the doctor told me about my current condition that I was slowly dying. I knew it. How come a hemophilia patient so foolish likes me? Fell from second floor plus rolling down on the stairs.

I knew it already.

“Doctor, I want to stop the treatment.” I said.

“W—what?” The doctor asked. “You need to continue receive the transfusion, miss.”

“I do not want.” I said, “There’s something I need to do so I can feel alive.”

“….”

“Doctor, just give me the medicine.” I begged.

“But, the blood is bleeding inside slowly. You need to take treatment.” He said.

“I could handle it.” She said. “You know, I want to fly before falling to the ground, Doctor.” I started to cry. The doctor looked at me taken a back.

“But, promise me, you will come back here once you feel sick.” He said, more like ordered me.

“Yes, I will.” I nodded while wiping my tears.

“By the way, what is your planning to make you alive?” the doctor asked in the middle of checking my health.

“I… photograph, doctor.” I said, smiling.

“What?” he didn’t get it.

“I am a photographer, doctor.” I said, “aaak…” suddenly I felt my body ached so bad, “God, doctor, aaakk… be careful with the needle.” Then here went the blood spreading everywhere, I got so speechless just by looking at it. I wanted to throw up seeing it, yet my body in sudden went so weak. I couldn’t help but fell unconscious.

Thus, how hard Young Gyu ahjusshi forced me to come to the hospital I just couldn’t go. And I didn’t want to. I didn’t want seeing blood spreading everywhere again. Then I stopped coming to the hospital and decided to finish everything soon, and back to Seoul before I was really being shut down by God. Two months for preparation, sometimes I felt sick and couldn’t handle it but I had my medicine around. And the one who gave me strength was none other than him. I promise you, Yoon Dujun that I’ll be the one who put your photo on my first exhibition before I died.

I was dying… I felt it… that was why… I came back to Korea….

Not because I wanted to meet you, Yoon Dujun, my lovely one.

But, because… I want to fulfill my promise to you.

I wiped my tears as the nurse came to me, and my dad had already left with Dr. Lee.

---

[DUJUN]

“Where are you going?” my mom yelped as this morning I dropped by on my parent’s house.

“Miinah’s dad’s home, eomma.” I said, slowly.

“What will you do, son?” she asked.

“Could you accept the one I love, eomma?” I asked her while eyeing her moist eyes, when my dad patted my shoulder. I turned my face to him.

“Go, Dujun. Go.” He said.

“Himnae!” I heard Doori noona cheered on me from the couch in the living room.

“I will, son.” Mom hugged me. “Bring her here. I will love her as you do.”

I took my jacket and car key, bowed to them, and ran to the front door.

Yeah, I would do it for the one I loved the most.

---

[to be cont]

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 19

[DUJUN]

I woke up on my bed. I felt my head so dizzy, I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind flied to Miinah all the time. I didn’t know what I should do now. Should I come to her dad’s home, or just wait like this? Argh, I patted my head, cursed to myself. How come I was so under control of this girl –my Miinah? I shook my head heavily.

“Dujun, wake up! Wake up!” I hardly opened my eyes. I saw her smiling with her clouded eyes.

“Oh, Miinah-ahh. What are you…,” I sat on my bed, yawning, looking at her confusedly, “What are you doing here?” I asked while reading the watch, it was sure seven in the morning. “It’s still so early in the morning.” I kicked her butt with my left leg when she opened the curtain.

“Hyaaah, don’t kick me! Hyaaaah!” She yelped but I kept teasing her by kicking her back side. “Look we can see it here too!” She pointed to the rainbow which was drawn in the sky, so beautiful. 

“Wow.” I amazed with what I was seeing now. “Beautiful.” I uttered. She smiled while walking toward my bed, and sat on the edge of it. “Are you running here just because of that?” I asked her who was staring at the rainbow out there. “Last night the rain was sure hard. I’m sorry I can’t accompany you take the photos for your assignment.” I went closer to her side, ruffled her hair.

She hissed, “Aigooyaaaah… I was wet last night waiting for you, and I bet you slept like a fat cow.” I giggled seeing her, pouted her lips, so cute. “I hate you.”

“Mian mian… Last night I have some schedules, and when it ended, it’s raining so hard. Look even it can create the rainbow.” I tried to cheer her up, “So, I decided to go home first, but unfortunately I have fallen asleep.”

“Uuuh… was my baby so tired?” She pouted her lips again. “I don’t believe you. You must be deciding to go to bed, not because accidently falling asleep.” She added. Miinah stood but I successfully caught her wrist.

“Odiga?” I asked, looking at her moist eyes. “You get your period, huh?”

“W—what?” She stuttered made me chuckle. “I am not.” She said, fast.

“Then, why you get so emotional… and look teary like that?” I hissed, “Does the period hurt you?” I smirked.

“W—what are you… hyaaa babo Dujun-ahh, I am not in my period!” He patted my head hard, “Huh!” She shoved my hand from gripping her wrist.

“Hyaaaa…. Hyaaa… odigaaaaaaaaaa?” I rubbed my head back, and followed her to the kitchen, “Hyaaaa, Miinaaaaaaaah-yaaaaaaaaaa….” I tried to put my aegyo, bubbling like usual.

“You know what… I am happy when running here… but you ruin it by saying such things.” She pouted her lips like one thousand times already now. I couldn’t help but laughing.

“Muaaahhhaaaa… wae? Wae? I’m just kidding.” I went closer to her side, gripped her waist from behind, “What happened? What is the happy news? Hmm…” I turned her so she could face me. Her gaze fell to the floor.

“By the way Dujun-ahh, how many red boxers do you have?” She chuckled seeing my boxer.

“What the hell, I don’t realize I’m still wearing my boxer….” I blushed as my cheeks became red.

“And you still half naked.” She laughed while patted my arm.

“Oh.” I looked at my naked top. I couldn’t hide my embarrassment. “I should wear my t-shirt. Err… I don’t know… I…” Before I couldn’t continue my words, Miinah hugged me while laughing hard.

“It’s okay. Muaahhaaaa… if not like this, I can’t see that actually you have abs.” She hugged me, caressed my back. “I’m happy that… I have my own apartment soon.” She said, “Because it’s the time my mother asked me, ehmm actually written in her letter, to move out from my dad’s house.”

“Really?” I took her chin up. “Chukae.” I said while pecked her lips.

“You know I can be free now.” She back hugged me. “Finally…”

“I’ll help you move.” I said, “When will you move?”

“Today.” She said, “I can’t handle my dad’s frustration anymore. Maybe I’m getting older and seem not riding the same boat with my dad.” Miinah sighed. I could feel her heavy breathe on my chest.

“….” I fell into silence.

“I’m tired… he is not even my related blood dad.” She hissed. “But still he is so freaking good to me.”

“….” There was no word from my mouth.

“I can’t see him in the eyes because I always cause trouble to him.”

“What trouble?” I asked, finally.

“Just… something.” She said while looking at my eyes, “Don’t worry. It’s not something important. How bout we go out for having breakfast?” She smiled beautifully.

I just nodded. “Let me wash myself first.”

I sighed. I could see all of those scenes played in front of me right now. I could feel how Miinah patted my arm to wake me up. That day the first day I could see her smile without that cloud in her eyes. She looked like a bird that just flied from her gold cage. I didn’t know she felt uneasy to always trouble her dad because of her sickness. I was just realizing it now.

Now, I knew what I should do. I kicked my blanket away and ran to my bathroom.

--- 

[MIINAH]

“How could she skip the blood transfusion? For freaking two months she hadn’t had the transfusion, Mr. Choi.” A man in white suit talked to dad, my eyes which slightly opened caught his figure, Dr. Lee, the private doctor of our family. I hissed, realizing where I was now. This was the fucking hospital I hated the most.

“I don’t know, Dr. Lee. She kept insisting to come alone to do the transfusion, even more she lived in LA with just two bodyguards around.” Dad faced him with moist eyes. “I thought she is still in LA.”

“The disease has reached her brain, Mr. Choi.” Dr. Lee said trying to sound calm. “It seemed she had fallen before. That’s why there are some arteries opened. You know for hemophilia patient, we can’t even inject the needle or infuse her carelessly because we must not touch the vessel. For heaven sake, something has happened to her that produces the bleeding brain.”

“She said… she said… she said… she is dying, Dr. Lee.” Dad said. I couldn’t handle my feeling; I shed tears as my memory flying away to the LA, several months ago.

That’s the reason why I was here.

---

[to be cont]

I LOVE IT, DUJUN WITH KIDS!

Dujun with FC MEN at a charity football match on 121117

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I do not own this

[VIDEO] YOSEOB'S MV TEASER: CAFFEINE

GUISSSEEEE, I am here *well panting so hard hosh hosh* YOSEOBIEEEEEEE in his MV teaser, OMG OMG *soom in soom out, myself, calm down please, calmmmm...dooowwn...will ya?* is so kiddo? LOL... No, I mean he tried so hard to look like a manly man, but my eyes still saw him like a lit kid lol. But, he is sure handsome, guisseee^^ *well I'm dying and trying to take deep breath, ffuuh*. Do you see he had the kissing scene? Do you still love him, right? Remember it's just an MV, a work of him. So, don't put yourself in a worry too much. Okay okay?^^ 

I love the coffee, the way he drank the coffee, and the lyric... tho it's only lit part of the whole but still... we can judge that 'Caffeine' gonna be a great song. The MV looks quiet classy, I love it. Junhyung did great job too. Wow, our boys have grown up. Let's support them! Fighting, BEAST! Fighting, BEAUTY! 

 

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[MV REVIEW] SUNGGYU'S 60 SECONDS: the past or the future?

Hi, guys, you must be asking rite now why I post something related with Infinite that I never even once talked about them here. Well, this MV is an exception. It is because I found myself giggled when reading to the youtube comments about this MV story line. And yess, (sigh) to be honest, I found the meaning of this MV after watching it twice. 

Why I can't understand it in once go because there are these some people on the comment box put their comments like:

wow after L seeing the girl, he can see the future.

he can see the future of their relationship which force them to break up, so he left the ring on the table. 

To be honest, I get stirred by these comments, then I thought the same way too, that this MV is futuristic. But, when I watched it again by paying attention to some details, I know that those interpretations are too far. Since seeing from Myungsoo's and the girl's expression --in the end of the MV when Myungsoo gave her the ring-- that's the facial expression of her gasping the air, shocking of meeting him again, and reminding the old story of them. 

My main focus in this MV tbh is the umbrella, the black umbrella. O no, well, I love the sound of the rain pouring through the roof, the ceiling and left on leaves. And when the umbrella appeared I love it so much. For no reason, I love umbrella. In my dictionary, umbrella is a 'thing' you can pull someone into your embrace and share the warmth while protecting him/her from the rain. You can share it with someone you love, someone you longing for, and someone you strangely affected to. Or, someone you choose to walk together in the same path. Put it more poetically, umbrella for me is like the canopy of the relationship itself. A couple in a love relationship is like two people under the umbrella, protecting each other from the rain.

But, why is it black? It must be something sad ---something not good. Yeah. This MV is not just talking about 60 seconds to fall in love to someone, but more like spending time with our beloved one is like 'a blink of an eye', it feels like just 60 seconds, and even before you can realize it, you are left alone.

The 60 seconds of this MV goes these ways:

1. Myungsoo met the girl in front of the coffee shop, he felt the time paused for 60 seconds. This is not because he fell in love with her in the first sight but because this is the first time he saw her again after breaking up.
2. Myungsoo starred at the girl while sitting there, reminding the past which just looked like 60 seconds of his life.
3. Or, the scene when Myungsoo covering them with the black umbrella, that's the 60 seconds of affection towards each other.

Well, then this MV is not about Myungsoo seeing the future of their relationship, but seeing their past. It happened Myungsoo met his ex-gf again, he reminding the past which looked like just 60 seconds in his life. The ring he had worn was none other than the ring he gave to his x-gf when they were still together. Thus, he couldn't stand it and gave it back to the girl. And he walked out from the coffee shop alone under the same umbrella. In the past it was supposed to be both of them under of it. But, now, the precious 60 seconds of his life has gone. If you still can't get it what I'm saying, look at the clock in the beginning and in the end of it... okay?

This is not about the 60 seconds of the first sight to fall in love. But, more about the precious 60 seconds of his life which is having a nice love relationship with his x-gf.

In a blink of an eye, you may be left alone by the one you are most longing for. 

That's LIFE... and LOVE.

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 18

[Miinah]

I didn’t know where I was. I felt so lonely. I sat on a bench at a park where there were swings, sand box, etc. I could see a little girl swung on the swing alone. She was holding a huge lollipop, but from her eyes, I could see how sad it was. Her eyes were moist. She wore a cute dress but there was a white ribbon on her right bang. Suddenly she stopped swinging when a ball hit her head. She took the ball right before a little boy with a dirty t-shirt came to her.

“Hi, that’s my ball.” He tried to take the ball. The little girl wanted to give him the ball when he realized that friend in front of him had moist eyes. Instead of taking the ball, the little boy sat beside the little girl. “Hi, are you crying alone here?” asked him

“Aniya.” The little girl replied. But, happened to wipe her tears made the little boy chuckled. “Wae?” she asked.

“Ani. You are obviously holding your tears now.” said him while taking the ball from the little girl. “My name is Dujun.” He said. “And you?”

The little girl looked at that boy. She was like thinking… should I tell him my name… then after few seconds, she said “My name is Miinah.”

I got shock. That little girl was… me. Don’t say… that was the day when I lost my dad? Don’t say… that day I had already met Dujun?

“Why are you crying?” Dujun asked, staring at her while trying to take something out from his pocket. “Here, use it.” He handed a handkerchief to little me, little Miinah. I found myself holding tears. The handkerchief had a ball pattern in the one of its corner. Didn’t it the same with the handkerchief he lent me when I was bleeding in front of his agency building?

“Thank you.” Little Miinah used Dujun’s handkerchief to wipe her tears. “This.” Now she handed him the huge lollipop, “for you. Thank you for the handkerchief.” She smiled and handed the stuff back to Dujun.

“Miinah!” A woman came to the little Miinah while waving her hand. “What are you doing here? Let’s go home. Uncle has waited for us!”

That woman is… uri eomma… I sobbed.

Eomma…

Eomma dragged her. Dujun stood there looked at her while waving his hands. “Annyeong.” He said. Little Miinah couldn’t help but smiling while saying “Let’s meet again, Dujun!”

After little Miinah left, I could see Dujun sat on the swing while opened the lollipop. He licked it and smiled, “it’s sweet.” Then he sighed, “Just like her smile….”

Just then, I shed tears… when in sudden all the things became white.

---

[DUJUN]

I sat on the floor of our practice room after getting advices from our CEO. He said that he didn’t really know how to react at my relationship with Miinah and the go-public-thingy. He asked me to wait for the development. I just nodded at his words. Meanwhile, my thought was full with Miinah, Miinah, and Miinah. How is she doing now?

I remembered that day when she leaned her head to my shoulder in my apartment after having a nice dinner and watching a match of my favorite football team.

“Dujun-ahh.” She started the conversation.

“Ehm…” I said while my eyes kept watching the football and my right hand stroking her hair.

“My dad….” She whispered.

“Ehm…” I kept paying attention to the football match.

“He scared me a lot.” She said. At that time I remembered clearly that I missed the goal because I looked at her sad face. I kept stroking her hair.

“Wae?” I asked while looking at her eyes.

“Ahh ani…” She shook her head. “He just…”

“Just what?” I asked in curiosity.

“Ehm… nag a lot…” then she laughed.

I knew she lied back then… but, I didn’t have any courage to ask her more, afraid that it’s gonna hurt her more. I just hugged her around my arms to give her strength. She kissed my cheek, and then we watched the match together.

“Ah babo…” I patted my head. “Today, I know how scary her dad is.” I clenched my fist tightly.

---