Wednesday, April 10, 2013

[01] ROSEMARY MAY


Udara dingin menusuk tulang. Asap dari kopi panasku mengepul, memberikan rasa hangat ke kulit-kulit tubuhku yang mengering. Kembali aku cek email dari beberapa teman yang entah memang karena khawatir tak hentinya mengirimiku pesan, hanya sekedar menanyakan keberadaanku dan kenapa tiba-tiba aku menghilang begitu saja dari lingkaran mereka.
Kusesap kopi hitam encer ini sambil mendesah pelan. Rokok tidak lagi berguna bagi mulutku yang terlanjur tidak bisa merasai ini. Dengan malas aku mulai mengetik email balasan pada salah satu temanku yang paling kerap menanyakan kabarku, Bon. Bon adalah seorang anak konglomerat  dan cukup dengan jentikan tangan hidupnya sudah mulus tanpa harus jungkir balik untuk mendapatkan apa pun yang dia inginkan. Lulus dengan dosen pembimbing yang tanpa segan membela mati-matian, padahal jelas-jelas skripsi Bon hanyalah omong kosong, bahkan kadang aku menertawainya karena otaknya sesungguhnya tak mampu untuk menulis seperti itu. “Kamu beli ya Bon?” anak-anak kampus sering meledeknya, dan Bon dengan gaya khasnya yang cuek hanya nyengir. Tetapi, Bon adalah teman paling baik dan perhatian yang membuatku nyaman di dekatnya, karena aku yakin dia tidak akan memanfaatkan orang lain, apalagi teman sendiri. Tentu saja, dia sudah tidak butuh apa-apa pun lagi untuk sampai berpikiran sejauh itu. Itulah kenapa aku merasa aman berada di dekatnya, aku tidak akan dimanfaatkan dan dibodohi dengan pertemanannya.

GONE NOT AROUND ANY LONGER

Those were what I thought of life, being sincere and honest. But it hurt a lot to think that way all the time. I kept asking an answer from universe to give me the best gift. But, the gift was none to be found.

Gone, not around any longer.

How came life was so as fast as light speed. This creature being called life came to me like an arrow from a bow, hit exactly at my eyes. I stiffened as seeing my surroundings frozen. They froze every here and there. It was only me who kept moving forward but I went to nowhere. No matter how hard I tried to open the chamber, or ran from them, I just couldn’t move even an inch forward. 

Gone, not around any longer.

The sincere feeling had gone, since the unidentified time. As all lies being formed in this life, they would keep coming over. Burnt one over another. I knew desperately deep in my heart that what was now was just none other than a joke. There were many ‘bombs’ awaited me in future. I saw that. I realized that.

Gone, not around any longer.

To be honest, people kept lying. Lying to me, lying to my words, lying to my sincerity, lying to everything I did. Why people kept embracing that evilness in their heart. Somehow I didn’t even believe every single word you said. But, I just kept nodding as nothing ever happened. You, never even once knew, but me, who felt it all the way, always noticed it at first.

I was tired seeing your face. A liar.
Gone, not around any longer.
I hope you had gone.
Not around any longer.