[Today's Story] GENERASI LUPA BUKU

“Ya ampun Ana bisa ngabisin seratus lima puluh ribu untuk beli novel? Mendingan buat beli baju deh.”

“Ya ampun, Na, kamu ngapain beli novel kaya gini? Emangnya dibaca?”

Oke, namaku Ana dan aku anak gaul #eh yang suka ngabisin duit buat beli buku dan novel, kadang juga komik. Kisah ini dimulai setelah aku membeli novel terjemahan terbaru karya J.K Rowling (pada tahu kan, itu tuh ibunya Harry Potter? Oke skip ini) berjudul ‘The Casual Vacancy’ yang kebetulan seharga seratus lima puluh ribu rupiah. Sebenarnya standar sih, karena yah, kita tahu kan karya sastra itu mahal harganya, ide itu mahal harganya, dan karya sastra wajib dihargai dengan nilai yang pantas.

Sore itu sehabis mandi aku udah di dalam kamar kost siap melahap novel dengan ketebalan hampir serupa skripsi-skripsi berdebu di perpus kampus ini, ketika seorang teman kost masuk ke dalam sambil bergaya ingin mengajak ngobrol. Sebut saja Mawar (oke, nama disamarkan), dia duduk di sampingku sambil melihat novel tebal itu.

“Eh ini apa Na? Tebel banget deh. Buat bahan skrispi?” Ehm jadi ketauan deh kalau aku adalah mahasiswa tingkat akhir yang masih berjuang mengerjakan skripsi (doain yah).

“Bukan. Novel.” Jawabku.

“Buset. Kirain bahan skripsi. Berapa ini?” Dia bertanya bak seorang informan.

“Seratus lima puluh.”

“Ya ampun. Ga bisa apa pinjem di perpus gitu. Ya ampun, Na, kamu ngapain beli novel kaya gini? Emangnya dibaca?”

Tepat saat itu hatiku sakit seperti disayat sembilu. Ugh, sakit mang! Oke, logikanya, kita ini sama-sama mahasiswa, sama-sama terbiasa membaca, entah itu bersifat akademik atau tidak, ya kan? Masihkah dia harus berkata seperti itu? Oke masih bisa dimaklum karena dia bukan mahasiswa sastra seperti aku. Tetapi, lain ceritanya ketika orang yang berkomentar masalah serius ini (buat seorang Ana ini serius) adalah mahasiswa sastra.

Mahasiswa sastra, kemungkinan pertama dia masuk ke jurusan ini adalah: (1) cinta sama karya sastra, (2) terinspirasi film, (3) mentok karena tidak diterima di jurusan lain, (4) hanya mengisi kekosongan, dan (5) kebetulan aja diterima alias iseng. Oke, ada banyak mahasiswa sastra yang rajin membaca, entah dimulai dari karya sastra pujangga angkatan ’45, hingga karya sastra populer seperti karya-karya Dee Lestari atau Andrea Hirata. Jika mahasiswa sastra Inggris bolehlah dari generasi Jane Austen sampai J.K. Rowling. Tetapi ada pula dari mereka yang tidak suka membaca sama sekali, eh kepepet baca novel ya hanya di kelas-kelas tertentu, semisal ‘Book Report’[i] (yang kalau kamu tidak membaca satu novel pun tidak akan lulus ujian). Ya ya ya, akhirnya komentar ini terlontar dari seorang teman –anak sastra Inggris juga:

“Ya ampun Ana bisa ngabisin seratus lima puluh ribu untuk beli novel? Mending buat beli baju deh.”

Cukup membuat saya tercengang dan ingin menangis saat itu. Yah, karena hampir sebagian besar barang yang aku miliki adalah buku, dari majalah bobo hingga bahkan buku ramalan. Ya, karena aku dan adikku sejak kecil dibiasakan membaca, jadi kami sudah tidak menemukan alasan: ‘mengapa kita tidak harus membelinya ketika buku itu bisa untuk dibaca?’

Ya, semua orang mempunyai ketertarikan mereka masing-masing. Tetapi, ketika sampai pada masalah membaca, mimpiku adalah orang akan menganggap itu hal biasa dan lumrah, bahwa membaca itu budaya, dan bahwa menghargai karya sastra itu tingkat tertinggi dari peradaban manusia.

Ya, maafkanlah generasi kami.

Maafkanlah.

---

[i] Sebuah mata kuliah di jurusan Sastra Inggris UNS yang mengharuskan mahasiswa untuk membaca novel berbahasa Inggris dan melaporkan isi cerita (dan segala tetek bengeknya) dalam bentuk essay/paper dengan ujian lisan sesudahnya.

I'm blogging it now...

The rock hits your head. Indeed, you moan in pain. But, in fact you feel something strange in your stomach. Being hit is not something special, but being in pain is of course something. I mean, you know, when you can feel the pain, it means you are still alive. I rather choose it than I don't know what to do with my life.

Yeah, I'm blogging it now.

Wandering about life every morning after opening my eyes, hurts me so much. I don't know whether now I am in the right direction or just merely living in a box. Yeah, so called reality is something I can't deal with, when almost all my times live in social media, so called twitter.

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 24

[MIINAH]

I felt warm breath on my shoulder when I slightly opened my eyes. The shine of the sun entered the room through the window. I could feel today was another bright day. I turned my face and had a glimpse of the man I loved the most, slept facing my back. He was still sleeping soundly with his left hand on my waist and face half buried behind my shoulder. I chuckled remembering last night I asked him to sleep with me on the bed. Hopefully, none of the doctor or nurse came to check on me. I caressed his cheek with my thumb while turned my body to face him. “Hmmm…” He moaned, still closed his eyes, and still in deep sleep. I tucked some hairs from his face put it back behind his ear. I pulled myself to get closer into him, put my hand on his waist, shrugged my hand under his left hand which was still on my waist. I buried my face on his chest. I could smell his cologne. How long will it last? How long can I live with this scent? I shook my head to ignore any bad prediction.

“Hmm…” He moaned, and I peeked on his face, he slightly opened his eyelids, “Morning, honey.” He smiled while yawning, so cute.

“Morning.” I smiled back, and peck his lips. “How is your sleep?”

“Hmm…” he moved his body, and stretched his arm, made me easily hug him. Both of my hands lingered his waist. “Good.” He saw my eyes, and planted a kiss on my forehead, while his hand hugged me and rubbed my back. “Yours?” He asked while ruffling my hair gently.

“I don’t have any dream.” I said. “But I felt so warm last night, with you around.” I continued, hummed on his chest.

“Miinah-ahh, is your body not in pain anymore?” He asked.

“Why?” I asked.

“It seems you have a very huge energy to hug me. I’m afraid the infuse and needle go wrong.” He said, worriedly.

“I have it in my right hand, so it’s okay, look here.” I showed him my wrist. “It’s okay.” I eyed him. He was in a daze while seeing the needles. His mind seemed flying to somewhere else. “Dujun-ahh, are you okay?”

“Oh…” He faced me, and smile, “I am okay.” He said. “I’ll wake up and help you wash your face.”

“Why? What happens?” I asked him, curious why he wanted me to wash my face. “What’s with the occasion?” He pulled his body against mine.

“The boys are coming here today.” He said. “They had texted me last night.”

“Oh! Really?” I almost jumped from my place due to the shock. “Oh no, I need to look pretty.” I frowned.

“Why? You have always been pretty all this time.” He said. “Do not need to worry.” He loosened his hug. “I just want help you to wash your face, not give you make up, lady.” He chuckled. “Besides, I dislike other men look at your pretty face.” He slid his tongue.

“Hyaa.. Dujun-ahh… but, still…” when I started to nag, suddenly the entrance door opened, and I saw a boy with bright smile came to us. Both of us stiffened, as we still cuddling on the bed together.

“Nunaaaaaa….” That boy was Dongwoon, “I am hereeeee….” But he was frozen when finding me and Dujun lying on the bed. “You guys… what you… rr…” He lost his words.

“Miinah-ahh, I’m here, I bring you…” here came Yoseob with a plastic bag on his hand, “porridge.” He stood beside Dongwoon and got stiffened too. “You… you…” He pointed us.

“Dujun-ahh, how…” Now, Hyunseung was coming, and blankly stared at us, “are you?” Then he stood next to Dongwoon and Yoseob.

“Oh so, Miinah is here.” I could hear Kikwang’s voice, “Hi, guys why you standing there like that?” He was clueless until realizing the reason why his fellas standing like statue there.

“Miinah, I miss you!” Now, Junhyung’s voice echoed the room, “Hyaaa hyaaa you… give me space. Why you guys like this?” Junhyung almost jumped from his feet when he saw both of us, but he walked faster to the bed, “Hyaaa, neo, Dujun-ahh, wake up wake up, it’s already morning.” He patted Dujun’s butt. I couldn’t help but laughing on his action, followed by the others.

“Muhahahahaha….” Then the four other boys back to their senses. Yoseob put the plastic bag on the table beside the bed. Kikwang and Hyunseung sat on the couch, and Dongwoon opened the curtain. “They are a couple after all. Kekeke. We are so stupid, surprised just by seeing both of them lying on the same bed.” Yoseob was laughing hard.

Dujun got out from my bed, and covered me with the blanket gently, while talking to the boys, “You guys, why don’t you send me text first?” He hissed, “Look, both of us even haven’t washed up.” He said. Junhyung chuckled. “That’s your problem, cuddling into each other in the bright day. It has been ten in the morning, leader-nim. How could you still lazily lying around. You suppose have breakfast with her.” He said.

“Here, eat the porridge.” Yoseob opened the porridge box. “4minute girls cook it for you. They can’t visit you. That’s why they want me to give you this.”

“Oh, thank you. They are so nice.” I said, but really I felt so touch right now. “I will eat it.”

“I will feed her.” Dujun took the porridge. I looked at him. He always got jealous easily, he didn’t even want his friend touched me. Good, I shook my head.

“Sorry for my over-protective-boy, ya, guys.” I chuckled, followed by the other.

“By the way,” Hyunseung opened his mouth, “Here, the gift from B2utys, they left it in front of our dorm this morning.” Hyunseung handed a box of herbal medicine that you could drink it in once go. “They are indeed best fans around.” He smiled.

“Yups, that’s so true.” Kikwang said. “Look at their note above it.” Dujun took the box and read the note. I looked at his face. I felt so happy right now; I even have B2utys by my side…?

“Hi, B2ST oppa-deul, this medicine is not for you guys to drink. This is for Miinah unnie. Don’t dare to touch it, okay?” Dujun finished reading it, and smiled from ear to ear. “Nah, Miinah, this is for you.” He ruffled my hair, “I put it here, and you can drink it later.” He put the box below the table.

“B2utys accept me?” I mumbled in my disbelief.

“Yes.” The boys answered in sync. “They do.”

“Oh thank you…” I couldn’t help but crying of happiness. “And I am sorry for causing trouble to B2ST.”

“Hsss… you are not.” Junhyung squeezed my hand.

“Hyaaaaa, Junnie, that’s my girlfriend’s hand, how dare you touch it in front of me?!” Dujun yelped, made the others laugh.

Oh, thank God, for good people you send to me in my last days in this world.

---

[DUJUN]

“Thank you for the good job.” The PD approached me. I bowed to him. Today, I went to a talk show program to promote my current drama. Yes, after some weeks absent, a drama production crew offered me to cast as the male lead. My agency agreed to it, and I thought it would be a good chance for me to create new image after missing for weeks. It had been some weeks Miinah was hospitalized, and today she would be discharged.

“Drrrt drrrt...” my phone vibrated. “Yobeoseyeoo..”

“Dujunsshi, Miinah…” I could hear the very voice of Miinah’s dad, sounded worry.

“Yes, abojie, what happens?” I asked him, trying to stay calm and focus.

“She has been discharged from hospital. But, she doesn’t want to go home. She asked Young Gyu to bring her to her apartment.” Miinah’s dad explained worriedly. “Can you persuade her to go home? Or at least, let her stay with your family, if she dislike my idea.” He sighed.

“Oh, ne, abojie, I will go to her apartment, after this.” I said, while trying to wave my hand to Jintaek hyung. He was walking toward me, when Miinah’s dad hung the phone. “Hyung, I need to go to Miinah’s apartment.” I said. He nodded and handed me my car key. “I’ll call you later.” I ran to the exit door.

I turned on the car engine and drove it as fast as I can. What a stubborn girl. I sighed. I massaged my temple while reminding when her dad met my parents in the hospital back then. It seemed her dad liked my parents a lot. That was why he suggested me to bring Miinah to my parent’s home? He was right; I couldn’t be by her side 24 hours because I would be getting busy these days for filming the drama. If she were with eomma, she would always have someone to take good care of her.

“Marry her.” Miinah’s dad request echoed in my mind once again. That time I still hadn’t answered to it. “Marry her.” I shook my head in frustration.

Am I ready to do it?

Am I?

---

to be cont

[FANFIC] "I DON'T KNOW LOVE" part 23

[DUJUN]

The time I saw blood on the back of her white hospital shirt, I felt my body weakened. I couldn’t feel my feet. I saw her crying in pain there, but I couldn’t reach her with my own hands to help her cure the pain. The doctor and nurses’ hands were all over her body when she yelped to me to not come to any nearer to her. She was afraid I looked her in a terrible way, yes, I felt afraid, but I just couldn’t let her alone in the pain. She fell unconscious when I reached her bed, and the doctor hushed me away to give her the best treatment. Her dad dragged me away, my eyes were wet with tears, and I felt so numb.

“You see… that’s what I am afraid most.” Miinah’s dad said. “When you can’t handle what you see in front of your eyes.” He patted my shoulder gently. “Could you still love her?” these last words kept echoed in my mind as I saw Miinah slept soundly in front of me. After the ‘pee’ incident the doctor gave her medicine, and then she fell asleep. I kept holding on her hand, interlocked our fingers. I eyed her wrist which made me remember the first day I met her.

The first day I met her was actually not in front of my agency building, but in the play yard in Ilsan when I was around ten. She was crying while sitting on the swing and my ball hit her. I lent her my handkerchief and he paid me back with her lollipop on her hands. That moment when she handed the lollipop I could see the needle marks here and there on her wrist. I knew just now that those marks had to be the trace of every injection she had been through. How hard your life Miinah-ahh, since young ‘til now, dear? I caressed her cheek with my thumb. I could also remember her smile back then, the same smile she showed to me every day. Now it’s different. I caressed her lips, could this lips smile again? I just couldn’t remember her name, so when she appeared in front of me in the fan signing event, and confessed to me, I took the chance. So, it happened that little girl was really Miinah. The same marks, the same wrist, the same smile, and I even lent her the same handkerchief, does she remember me? I kissed her lips briefly while my tip nose touched the oxygen tube made me chuckle by myself. With her around me, I just can be simply me, and be happy, please be strong and always by my side, sweetheart…

“Drrrt drrrt” my phone vibrated. I saw a message came. I opened it which it came from Junhyung.

Dujun-ahh, Hong abojie let you take few days rest onward.

There’s no schedule for us too. Only some of us go on the individual activities.

But, if you don’t mind try to open our fan café. Something big happens.

I smiled. Thank God, I have the best people around. I texted Junhyung back.

I am sorry for causing trouble to you guys. I will text Hong abojie. Miinah is on hospital now, Junhyung, but don’t worry, she’s gonna be okay soon.

Okay, I will check the fan café.

I pulled my hand from Miinah’s hand and check my fan café. I hope something bad didn’t happen now. I saw Yoseob posted a fan letter there. He wrote about me and Miinah, and in charge of me, he said sorry and asked B2uty to understand me and to accept Miinah. I massaged my temple, well, they decide to do something without my agreement, good kiddos. Now, as I felt rather angry, I checked the B2utys’ reactions which made me widen my eyes.

They… accepted… us.

I will always support oppa no matter what.

Me too, after seeing unnie being dragged by her dad, I felt so sad. I want them to be together.

Huhuhu I still want oppa to be mine, but, yeah, as long as he is happy, I give him to the unnie.

And still many more of their comments gave me permission to be with Miinah. Without realizing it, my tears fell down on my cheeks, and I smiled – the best fans in the world. I left a post there:

Hi, guys, this is leader Dujun. Thank you everyone for letting me having this blissful relationship. I’m sorry for hiding the things all this time. Now since it has been revealed, will you guys pray for Miinah unnie? She is now sick and hospitalized. I hope she will get better soon. And excuse me for absent from some schedules. I won’t leave you, guys. But, I need your help to accept me the way I am now.

Sincerely thank you, B2utys.

“Dujun.” I heard a soft voice called my name. I caught her eyes. She smiled back to me. “Why you smile by yourself?” He squeezed the back of my hand. “Something happy happen?” She breathed slowly.

I nodded. “Something good happens. And it’s good that you are already awake,” I said, “because it’s the time for having lunch. See, this is your lunch.” I pointed to the meals provided by the hospital. “You want me to feed you or –”

“I will eat it by myself.” She said, tried to sit. “Auhh…” She murmured as I eyed her, she indeed looked in pain but forced herself to look strong.

“Do not try to look strong in front of me anymore.” I pressed her shoulder to back in her lying position, but gave one more pillow on the back of her head. “I will feed you.” I said, trying to sound as calm as possible.

“But…” She tried to open her mouth again, but I had locked my lips on hers. She looked at my eyes, surprised. She pushed my chest. “I’m sick… how could you kiss me…” her cheeks reddened made me giggle.

“Because your lips are so naughty, you see.” I said while feeding her the soup. “Here, eat it. Aaaaa…” This was first time ever in my life feeding a sick girl in the bed of a hospital and I felt extremely happy. I loved seeing her eating like that. She ate the meals with her eyes eyeing me. I just stared back at her. “Why?” I asked finally.

“Don’t you think I look like a monster now?” She said, still locked her gaze on me. “I know you saw my bleeding back yesterday.” She turned her eyes to the ceiling, “I must be looked like a monster, frightened you.” She sighed.

“Miinah-ahh… what you say… how could you say something like that?” Her words hurt me so much that I could feel my heart being stabbed by knife. “I never look at you like that; you are still the same Miinah… whom I love so much, before and after.” I feed her again.

“But, can’t you see, perhaps I can’t run beside you anymore.” She tried to avoid my gaze, “I’m only a burden for you.”

“No… you are not.” I hissed. “Jebal, Miinah-ahh, I am still the same person as before, and so you are.” I squeezed her hand gently. “I love you… always.” I said.

“I… I… love… you… too…” She said those words while tears started to come out and run to her cheeks. I pulled her to my embrace.

“Shh… don’t cry… shh… everything will be okay.” I stroked her hair slowly, “believe me.” I planted a kiss on her forehead.

---

[MIINAH]

“Hi, Miinah…” I saw smiling faces in front of me through the Ipad screen. I tried to bow as much as I can. I slightly looked at Dujun who intertwined our fingers and sat in the edge of my bed while holding the Ipad. “Eomma appa, don’t be too obvious that you are happy seeing your future daughter in law, aish, you guys embarrass me.” He said to her parents through the Ipad screen. I stared at him, future daughter in law?

“Why? Eomma is just happy seeing her.” His mom pouted to him, and back to look at me. “Dear, how is your condition? I am sorry I haven’t had a chance to visit you, but we will soon.” She smiled.

I smiled. “I am okay, eomma.” I said, “Do not force yourself to visit me. Dujun is enough.” I tightened my intertwine fingers into his.

“But, we want to meet you, tal.” His dad showed his face on the screen made me smile, “Doori too will come.”

“My older sister.” Dujun whispered.

“Ohh…” I looked at him before smiling to his dad, “thank you, abojie…” I said.

“Eomma, appa, I think it’s the time for Miinah to go to bed, and both of you too, take enough rest please.” Dujun talked to his parents. “Is it okay?”

“Oh, geureu… Miinah, be safe, and you, Dujun, stay close to her.” His mom smiled to me while his dad waved his hands showing the palms to the screen. I slightly bowed and smiled, “Neee, eomma appa.” I uttered.

It’s been awhile, I call someone by the name EOMMA. I smiled and found Dujun put the Ipad on the table beside the bed. “Dujun-ahh, what does that mean by future daughter in law?” I asked him.

“That means you. Don’t you want to be their daughter in law?” He sat gently on the edge of my bed; his eyes locked mine, “To be the daughter in law of my parents, don’t you want it?” He caressed my cheek. “Well, now time to sleep.” He stroked my hair, and planted a kiss on my forehead. “I will sit here by yourside.”

I made space on my bed, and patted it, “Will you sleep beside me?” I asked. He widened his eyes. “It’s okay, this bed is big enough for both of us.” I said, pulled his hand.

“But, what if the nurses or doctor see us?” He asked, frowning.

“They will be happy see a happy couple cuddling to each other, I bet?” I laughed. He surprisingly looked at me, and laughed with me.

“Muhahahaha, you little Miinah!” He pretended to hit my forehead and I pretended to avoid it.

Yes, he is the only one.

---

to be cont

[MV REVIEW] NELL'S 'WHITE NIGHT': THE SLEEPLESS NIGHT

 
Have you watched Nell's White Night? Last night I was happen to stream on it, and got so amaze. Damn it, such mysterious and freaking beautiful MV. The song is cliche, I mean about someone who can't live alone without the presence of his/her lover after breaking up, he/she can't get over of his/her lover, and need to continue his/her life. Yeah something like that. Check the video here. Well, I will make it short, remembering I just can't really concentrate in this hot weather (yeah it's raining season but this Monday it's kind of exception). Cut this shit off, slap me. 

At first, I didn't get what this MV means and wants to deliver. But, after watching and thinking over it twice, (and more) I slightly got some hints. I don't know whether it's true or not, because this is just what so called assumption (thank you, so don't deal anymore with my analysis onward). 

From the very beginning of this MV we can see a scene of a space object comes to the earth. Happen to hit the girl's house. And then, we are asked to follow the girl to find some oxygen, yes, it seems she can't breathe well after the flying space object hit on her house. She tries to breathe on the oxygen tube, but it fails and she sees a man lying on the floor, has died. She slightly approaches him, and takes the oxygen tube, and she can breathe through it. Then she realizes that the man is her lover when she looks at the man's fourth finger which is cut while the ring on there. Then the flashback being shown to us, that how nice her relationship with him before (the man gave her the damn beautiful ring). But, suddenly there is something bump on her house when she finds the frozen ring on the floor, then she sees herself lying on the floor. And suddenly all the things cover with the falling snow. She slightly fall asleep and we can see many presences of her there. Then she opens her eyes, and everything is back to the first time she opens her eyes. Yes, the same thing happens again, everyday.

We find flying space object, oxygen tube, the in-black-suit-dead-man, the frozen ring, the falling snow, the broken house, and the presence of the girl's bodies lying on the floor everywhere in the room. Come to my assumptions:

1. Flying space object is 'something' from outside (people, such troublesome thing, etc) comes to interrupt their harmonious relationship life that makes all the things broken which leads them to break up.
2. The girl in white dress is the survivor in this relationship, who is left alone without any companion and hurt alone (or as the victim). 
3. The broken house is the representation of their broken relationship.
4. The in-black-suit-dead-man is none other than her lover who is walking away from her. Yes, she can feel his presence but he is not alive anymore there. He is just a mere memory.
5. Oxygen tube is the symbolization of her struggle to stay alive. She still wants to feel alive after all the things happen on her. She tries to breathe from an oxygen tube to other and another. And end up succeed in breathing after taking the man's oxygen tube. This means she still can't get over with the man, she still needs his attendance on her life to stay alive. 
6. The frozen ring is actually telling us that although how much she tries to erase love, she just can't because love will always there, frozen by the moment, in the endless time, endless space (don't you think the lyric match very well?).
7. The falling snow is the symbolization of dead, sleep, hibernation, stagnation (http://www.scribd.com/doc/6472314/Symbolism-in-Literature). You may choose one of these, because this MV can bring us to the the dead relationship, the sleeping girl who wants to wake up to face the reality, the hibernation of her life, or the stagnation of her memories in the same place. You may choose one.
8. The presence of the girl's bodies lying on the floor everywhere in the room, of course, shows us how hard being girl who can't be moved. She just wondering around in the room, fails to move on.

How do you think? She fails to move on after the storm hits her beautiful love relationship and let her live breathless like a fool. And the title of this song is White Night, why? White night means a night without sleep (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/white+night). Yes, the girl indeed sleepless because she has been like a ghost who is wandering here and there in those damn endless memories.

*maybe my assumptions can't get A from my professor lol* thank you for reading thou. ^^